DeJongh Acupuncture Clinic

So even though I am broke and just had a pay cut and who knows what will happen with the layoffs and such...I decided to try acupuncture because I suffer from a whole host of vague maladies that make eating, drinking alcohol, smoking, relaxing, and sleeping difficult.  That's serious.  What else in life do I even have left to enjoy?  I'm in a constant state of discomfort.  And, as Wendy can attest to after our trip to Amsterdam, listening to me gag every morning and after every meal is no treat for anyone. 

After having a bunch of specialists look at me and diagnose gastritis, and chronic sinus infections, and a slipped disc, blah blah blah I decided I'd be better off looking for a more holistic approach, rather than treating my body like it's made up of separate organs/systems that have no influence or bearing on the others.  And frankly, I think all these symptoms are *in my head* - not that I'm a hypochondriac, but that they can be attributed to stress, or a blocked qi, or some such thing - I'm not actually sick.   I think.

The process of finding this acupuncturist was...a process.  It seemed a lot like dating: I got stood up once...and then someone knew someone that was perfect for me but they never hooked it up.  I found Ms. DeJongh when a patron who likes to *overshare* showed me her cupping  marks.  Long story.  Anyway, I was all like, bingo, my heart racing, thinking, could this be the one?  And when I saw that her office  was literally blocks from my apartment I thought - fate/kismet/destiny.  Yeah, I know I'm a kook.  It's only going to get worse.

She has free consultations, which is a bonus if you're not ready to commit (K, I'll drop the dating analogy, love you, bye-bye).  When I went for my first appointment, I actually had no intention of trying acupuncture.  I was hoping she'd have some super Chinese herbs that would spruce me up, but then I realized, I have got to really do something.  Cause I feel like shit, all the time.  The acupuncturist diagnoses you by listening to all your symptoms (who knew my excessive, old lady sighing was a symptom of something!), looking at your tongue, and taking your pulse at different spots.

My first treatment was today.  The room was set up pretty much like a spa, all good smells and new age music and dim lighting; the table you lay on in your undies is a massage table.  Personally, I jump at the chance to undress and pay people to touch and prod me.  My maximum going rate for this type of activity is a dollar a minute.  If I get it cheaper, kewl, but I won't pay more than that.  Haircuts, manicures, massages, all fall under the legal-jollies-I-pay-for category.  I would even put getting a dental cleaning in there, because I am not averse to a bit of pain, wink wink nudge nudge.  Oh, I only undress when it's appropriate, I should clarify.

Soooooo...she actually did begin with a few minutes of massage, a bonus I was not expecting.  She did cupping afterwards on my back, which felt like what you'd expect - getting eight marvelous hickeys from an overly amorous octopus.  The cups were cold, which I didn't expect, because I knew the acupuncturist uses heat to create a vacuum...but, anyway!  She did needles on my back, then on my front; I spent about 15 minutes with the needles in, on each side.  Only a few hurt going in, like in my wrists and tummy, but not so much that it bothered me...and most I didn't feel at all, or barely.

She did give me a bunch of Chinese herbs to take at home, which I am going to do religiously.  It's twelve pills, three times a day.  Luckily among my many talents is the ability to swallow pills by the handful.  I won't say how I learned I have said talent.  Man, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right.  It ain't cheap.  But, if it works, I can't pay enough for it IMO.  So, I don't feel much different right now, but I am doing a total of 6 sessions, so we'll see.  And now, back to the trenches.

FYI The name is Dutch, if you're wondering.  And the pills feel just like swallowing a handful of BB gun pellets.