Hy Vong Vietnamese Cuisine

Never let me choose anything.  Not a movie, not a restaurant-not anything.  I will always make a poor choice.  Whatever I order at a restaurant will never be as good as what my companion ordered.  I'm sure I've said this before.  I know this, but it seems I need the lesson driven home repeatedly.

So, GS and I decide to go out for dinner, and he suggests Thai.  I can't think of a nearby Thai place, but I do remember a Vietnamese restaurant that I've been wanting to go to for a while, Hy Vong.  I last ate there about 15 years ago and had a wonderful meal, and I had no reason to think it would be any different this time.

How can I describe it?  GS said it was "a Hispanic version of Monty Python that's set within a Vietnamese restaurant or an intergalactic portal to the fifth dimension".  Either way it was a strange and surreal meal, yet, at least, entertaining as hell.

We drove by the restaurant twice, it was so hard to find.   We were first seated at the worst table in the place- a tiny table right by the kitchen so crammed against the wall that only two sides were free for chairs.  Well, it was busy when we first came in so I can accept that.  The waiter was so nice that he moved us as soon as there was another free table.  They had a nice beer selection and a manageable menu: I ordered the duck with black currant sauce and GS had the curried chicken with mushrooms.  My salad was all right, GS's soup was better-a chicken soup with spinach, with a curiously strong tasting broth-almost beefy.

The runner brought a plate of spring rolls to our table and said, "they were from Kathy".  I replied I don't know Kathy, I'm not Kathy, and that we didn't order that, but he insisted we take them.  Compliments of the chef?  Are we THAT cute of a couple?  Or were they made for someone else erroneously?  Whatever, I won't say no to free food.

The food came and it was "meh" at best-the curry was watery and bland, and my duck was dry and tough.  The runner, who had a charming but unintelligible accent, kept trying to take away my plate.  The food was in front of me, I had the fork in my hand, I was merely breathing between bites, and he asked me if I was done.  He wasn't trying to hurry me; the restaurant was half full by then and it was only like 8:30pm.  I think he was just bored.  Finally I told him to take it away since he seemed so eager to and I wasn't really into it, and he seemed inordinately hurt that I didn't want to take the leftovers.  After he asked me three times about it I explained that we were going somewhere else after and I was worried they would spoil-only THEN was he satisfied enough to take the damn duck away.

The couple behind us asked what was in the beet salad.  The two waiters were trying to even understand what "beets" were, and once they finally understood, they had to confer on what was in the salad and how to translate the ingredients into English.  "Beets in orange sauce" is what they came up with, after a good seven minutes of discussion where the word "beet" came up dozens of time.  I honestly wanted to intercede since I have customer service in my genetic makeup but GS stopped me.  I later heard them joking in the kitchen (which we were close to) about beets but I couldn't even figure out the joke-I think they thought the word just sounded funny.

I was still hungry so we ordered dessert, which I rarely do since I'm a cheapskate.  I ordered key lime cake.  How can you go wrong?  It should have been listed as arroz con mango instead.  Picture this: key lime bundt cake, with a rum sauce, whipped cream, walnuts, and cookies & cream ice cream.  WTF?  Were they cleaning out their fridge?  Were they stoned when they put it together?  It was purely awful.  I HATE rum sauce, I learned.

"Come thirsty", joked GS.  The bored runner kept refilling our water and must have done so about 8 times.  I swear he would refill it everytime I took a sip.  I wanted GS to scream at him, "I don't want anymore f***ing water" but he said that would be rude.  Funny, but rude.  All right, ruin my fun lol

I can't in good conscience recommend the place.  I would like other people to have such potentially hilarious dining experiences but I won't trick anyone into it.  I don't know.  It may have been an off night, but I can't have too much faith in a Vietnamese restaurant that doesn't even have Asian people working in it.  Just saying.