Hungry and Broke in Miami

Global Liquors

2012-01-24T11:36:00.000-08:00

Due to reaching a new level of hunger and brokeness (thanks for the pay cuts!) I haven't been out and about much. You need some amount of discretionary income to gad about, drinking and eating, when you have not yet met your sugar daddy.

I don't drink much anymore but the holidays, parties and birthdays do require the purchase of gifts. I like giving liquor as a gift - as my friend Wendy once stated: If I can't eat it, drink it, smoke it, or wear it, I don't want it. We all want less clutter and stuff in our lives, and the best kind of gift-giving takes that into account. So, enter the liquor store.

In the past I typically frequented Gulf Discount Liquors and Wine which is close to my house. It's a sort of clean, utilitarian place with good prices, if not the most convenient hours. It's all right but it's not sexy, to be honest. It's very brightly lit, you know?

I needed a gift so I decided to check out some other local liquor stores. First I went to Old Vines Wine & Spirits. Definitely a pretty, classy little jewel of a joint but I must have picked the wrong time to go. There was a wine tasting going on - everyone in this hole-in-the-wall was pretty boozy - and I couldn't find anyone to acknowledge me or help me. I mean, this place is smaller than my apartment, yet I couldn't get anyone to look me in the eye. It felt like I was a bumpkin in overalls who had crashed a private party at the country club. The selection is quite dismal unless you want wine. I mean, this place is tiny. I left the place and, already late to a party, headed over to Global Liquors just down the street. What a find! Happy, happy, joy, joy!

Though you wouldn't guess from the outside, Global Liquors is spacious, elegant, has a large selection, and has great prices. No fluorescent lighting, no Walmart atmosphere. They have a good amount of parking and are very convenient - for me, at least! I easily found someone to help me and they even had a check-in deal for a discount, score! They have a fancy little delicatessen in the store as well. I definitely recommend them - I've been there three times in the last month and I always get treated well. I only worry they don't get enough customers - they can't close, I need them. I mean, they are only a little over a mile from my house so you know what that means, yep - walking distance. Though, I've been hearing about the perils of drunk walking lately. Don't drink and walk!

Choices Vegan Cafe

2011-12-12T14:09:00.000-08:00

South American women are like harem women-highly ornamental, they spend enormous time on their personal appearance and rarely leave their homes. When they do venture forth, it's with flawless makeup, cleavage baring outfits and high heels-even if it's to drop off the kids at school. Of course, if it's the only time they venture forth from home, they want to look their best, despite that looking like you're going out on a hot date at 8am is hardly maternal. Despite this obsession with appearance, Miami has among the most unhealthy people in the US. Like Fernando says, it's more important to look good than to feel good, pretty much the Miami mantra. There are very few vegan and vegetarian restaurants in Miami, so I feel it's VERY important to support those that do exist. Like Choices Vegan Cafe.

The meal was just great-even GS thought so, and he's someone that normally just exists on occasional mists of water and steamed broccoli. A meal like that brings out my fantasy of saving a small foreign woman from the international sex trade and bringing her to live with me. Together we'd share a life, shunning men, and she'd walk on my back with her tiny feet and cook me delicious meals. I wish I could bring the staff of Choices home with me to cook ummy vegan foods, or else I can camp out in the kitchen and take all my meals there. The sweet potato fries were the best I've had-I don't even like sweet potatoes-but now I realize I was cooking them all wrong. It's in the preparation, darling. The lovely chef at Choices wouldn't tell me her sweet potato secret, which I fully respect-they were crispy and light-I'd call them fluffy. They melted in your mouth. I had a Mexican wrap and GS had the portabella sandwich-both were great but I could tell GS really dug my wrap. The sweet plantain was a nice foil for the spicy vegan "chorizo". I took home a piece of Banana Walnut cake that was delicious-I'd love to try her coconut or banana cake. You see, now I'm making demands!

Really, please eat here. The good is great and you'll be a doing a good thing, not just for yourself but by supporting small, local businesses.

Hy Vong Vietnamese Cuisine

2011-10-15T12:27:00.000-07:00

Never let me choose anything. Not a movie, not a restaurant-not anything. I will always make a poor choice. Whatever I order at a restaurant will never be as good as what my companion ordered. I'm sure I've said this before. I know this, but it seems I need the lesson driven home repeatedly.

So, GS and I decide to go out for dinner, and he suggests Thai. I can't think of a nearby Thai place, but I do remember a Vietnamese restaurant that I've been wanting to go to for a while, Hy Vong. I last ate there about 15 years ago and had a wonderful meal, and I had no reason to think it would be any different this time.

How can I describe it? GS said it was "a Hispanic version of Monty Python that's set within a Vietnamese restaurant or an intergalactic portal to the fifth dimension". Either way it was a strange and surreal meal, yet, at least, entertaining as hell.

We drove by the restaurant twice, it was so hard to find. We were first seated at the worst table in the place- a tiny table right by the kitchen so crammed against the wall that only two sides were free for chairs. Well, it was busy when we first came in so I can accept that. The waiter was so nice that he moved us as soon as there was another free table. They had a nice beer selection and a manageable menu: I ordered the duck with black currant sauce and GS had the curried chicken with mushrooms. My salad was all right, GS's soup was better-a chicken soup with spinach, with a curiously strong tasting broth-almost beefy.

The runner brought a plate of spring rolls to our table and said, "they were from Kathy". I replied I don't know Kathy, I'm not Kathy, and that we didn't order that, but he insisted we take them. Compliments of the chef? Are we THAT cute of a couple? Or were they made for someone else erroneously? Whatever, I won't say no to free food.

The food came and it was "meh" at best-the curry was watery and bland, and my duck was dry and tough. The runner, who had a charming but unintelligible accent, kept trying to take away my plate. The food was in front of me, I had the fork in my hand, I was merely breathing between bites, and he asked me if I was done. He wasn't trying to hurry me; the restaurant was half full by then and it was only like 8:30pm. I think he was just bored. Finally I told him to take it away since he seemed so eager to and I wasn't really into it, and he seemed inordinately hurt that I didn't want to take the leftovers. After he asked me three times about it I explained that we were going somewhere else after and I was worried they would spoil-only THEN was he satisfied enough to take the damn duck away.

The couple behind us asked what was in the beet salad. The two waiters were trying to even understand what "beets" were, and once they finally understood, they had to confer on what was in the salad and how to translate the ingredients into English. "Beets in orange sauce" is what they came up with, after a good seven minutes of discussion where the word "beet" came up dozens of time. I honestly wanted to intercede since I have customer service in my genetic makeup but GS stopped me. I later heard them joking in the kitchen (which we were close to) about beets but I couldn't even figure out the joke-I think they thought the word just sounded funny.

I was still hungry so we ordered dessert, which I rarely do since I'm a cheapskate. I ordered key lime cake. How can you go wrong? It should have been listed as arroz con mango instead. Picture this: key lime bundt cake, with a rum sauce, whipped cream, walnuts, and cookies & cream ice cream. WTF? Were they cleaning out their fridge? Were they stoned when they put it together? It was purely awful. I HATE rum sauce, I learned.

"Come thirsty", joked GS. The bored runner kept refilling our water and must have done so about 8 times. I swear he would refill it everytime I took a sip. I wanted GS to scream at him, "I don't want anymore f***ing water" but he said that would be rude. Funny, but rude. All right, ruin my fun lol

I can't in good conscience recommend the place. I would like other people to have such potentially hilarious dining experiences but I won't trick anyone into it. I don't know. It may have been an off night, but I can't have too much faith in a Vietnamese restaurant that doesn't even have Asian people working in it. Just saying.

Rapids Water Park

2011-08-29T14:20:00.000-07:00

So the kidlet turned eight this past week and to avoid the planning and expense of a birthday party I offered to take him to Rapids Water Park. It's the least I could do. I knew as the day got closer I would regret my decision, because I am chronically lazy and hate sun, but once you promise something to your kid, there is no getting out of it. Unless, of course, you are comfortable being branded as the worst parent in the WORLD who doesn't KEEP THEIR PROMISES. If I bowed out of this excursion, for sure my son would grow up to be a sociopath and get life in prison for a series of heinous crimes.

We left at a reasonable hour but the wait in West Palm Beach stretched out as we waited for successive generations of the family to show up (four in total!). My mom and her sisters, who I refer to in my own head as the Fates, all had to go...to just wait in the shade and hold all our stuff for three hours. Because there is nothing that feels as good to a grandma as being a martyr for the sake of their ingrate children and precious grandchildren.

Well, thank God they did go because they paid. Weekend admission is $38.95 plus tax. Regardless of age. Newborns? $38.95. Senior citizens? $38.95. That is BOGUS. We did get a free pass to return within a month but still, this is incredibly overpriced. The cheapest parking we saw is $10 and you are NOT allowed to bring in outside food and drink. Eh.

Honestly, though, I had fun. Despite the whining and waiting in line and walking on red-hot concrete in bare feet, I liked it. I love water slides. My second cousin and I left our kids in the kiddie area under the watchful gaze of the Fates and went on all the awesome adult rides we couldn't convince our yellow-bellied spawn to ride. I did all the shaming techniques I could think of: look, that kid is smaller than you...look, a GIRL is riding it, AND she's smaller than you...but no dice. Funny, because shaming like this always works on me. My son is extremely cautious, though...at least I don't have to worry about him climbing onto the roof pretending to be Superman and breaking his arm.

I couldn't recommend this as a cost effective family activity but I'd keep on eye on their website for coupons or discounts-since Six Flags closed down so many years ago, this is the closest water park you'll get-can't wait to plan a weekend Orlando trip someday with Wet 'n Wild and Blizzard Beach. That would be awesome!

Days Inn - Jonesville/Elkin, West Virginia

2011-08-24T14:54:00.000-07:00

It's not the best Days Inn I've stayed in, but I expect that in a more competitive city like Orlando or Chicago they have to provide a better quality experience. This Days Inn is pretty much just a place to crash when you've hit your driving limit and just get off at the next exit and stop at the first hotel you see.

The room felt damp, probably due to the A/C being turned off. We ate at the pizza place right next door (don't recall the name) and I can recommend it - it was pretty good. We settled in and turned off the lights and...

for some inexplicable, magical reason, the entire ceiling was painted glow-in-the-dark night sky - stars, planets, etc. If I had been at all in an "altered state" I would have freaked out. As it was, I had to rave about it for way too long. What did it MEAN? It was so random, so out of place - that someone had chosen to paint the ceiling of this hotel room in the middle of nowhere in such an amazing way. What impulse had driven this person? What artistical, mystical, wistful impulse?

I asked the very professional young woman at the desk about it, and she replied in her clipped, lovely British accent that, yes, some of the rooms were painted that way. I got the vibe that she couldn't understand why someone had given in to such fanciful and impractical desires. I think it struck her as a bit silly, excessive, even embarrassing. Me, I found it to be purely wonderful. It was like a glimpse into someone's most secret self.

Some sort of breakfast was provided the next day but I couldn't touch it-not at all appetizing. And I'm not picky, AND I was trying to not appear high maintenance in front of the boyfriend. The milk was a day away from being buttermilk and everything else looked stale and sad.

I wouldn't chose to stay here again but it WAS inexpensive and we just needed a place to lay our heads...but again, that ceiling! Room 120!

Paquito's & P.F. Chang's & La Bonne Crepe & ...

2011-07-25T14:17:00.000-07:00

I had dinner with the girls at Paquito's on Friday, sort of a mixed belated birthday party and county FAIL commiseration fest. I got there early so I sat drinking my margarita alone, with each passing moment feeling less and less bleak. I am not fond of mixed drinks but margaritas are really a little bit of all right - I really dislike sweet alcoholic drinks so I love salt rim and lime, yep. The complimentary nachos and salsa are my favorite item at Paquito's and by the time my friends arrived I really didn't need to order...but I do like built in leftovers. I had my leftover shredded beef burrito today for lunch and it was mighty fine. Lucky me, the day before Groupon had a deal for this place which I redeemed - fastest use of a deal EVER.

Dealt with the horrendous parking situation at the Galleria Mall in Ft. Lauderdale on Saturday to eat dinner at P.F. Chang's. Can you believe I've never eaten there before? I'm not much of one for noisy, weekend dinner crowds and GS definitely isn't but after a few wash-rinse-repeat cycles of that age old refrain, "What do you want for dinner?" "I don't know, what do YOU want for dinner?" we didn't want to overthink it. The place was packed and dinner was adequate - definitely tasty - but just not...interesting at all. I had the Mongolian Beef and GS had the Broccoli Beef. Both dishes tasted just fine (like I said, tasty) but really, all you taste is sodium. Whereas with Thai, Vietnamese, and Japanese food you taste ingredients, freshness, complexity...the Chinese food I've had is simple and uninteresting. I would guess authentic Chinese food is not glazed with heavy, thick, sweet and/or salty sauces but what do I know?

The next morning we had breakfast at La Bonne Crepe - a cute little place on Las Olas. MUCH better choice. It's a small restaurant with good servers and an open kitchen - I do like being able to see what the cook is up to ;) I love me some carbs in the morning - and it's hard to mess up breakfast. I had French Toast (perfect portion size) doused with maple syrup and a cappuccino that came in a fancy little glass with a rock sugar stirrer - oh yeah, God IS in the details. We went to the beach for a while, then caught Captain America with a gift card I had...great movie! I loved all the little fifties details like the flip clocks and the dials. And the Vita-Ray! We saw it in 3D and it seemed super muddy...when I took off my glasses the real movie had much nicer color. They should do something about that :/

I really hadn't satisfied my weekend craving for cool, crispy vegetables yet so we got subs at Big C's Downtown Pizzeria and that was IT - just what I had wanted. I take forever to eat so I finished up alone while GS went to Bob's News and Book Store down the block. What a great place! Whoever buys for the place is a reader, no doubt about it. A really great book and magazine selection with a lot of range - from porn to erotica to foreign magazines to art books to classics to bestsellers and everything in between. The place looks kind of skeevy but that's part of the charm - and I was never so sincerely wished "good luck" when I bought my lotto ticket. The short shorts and wedges may have played a part in that.

Yes, if it seems that all we do is eat and play vacation when GS and I hang out (far too infrequently), you are correct. It's the bright bubble of unreality in the crappiest of current conditions we are experiencing in the county. It's hard to think that some - no, many - people I sincerely care about will have their lives disrupted and that so many may/will be laid off. Or demoted. And that includes me, possibly. I NEED these staycation type moments. In a couple weeks we are going camping in West Virginia and then GS continues on to Colorado while I hunker down for a few months of school, work, exercising, child rearing, all in a climate of fear and uncertainty. Alone. But, really, can be there be enough emotional support for the times we are facing? At least we county employees have each other...best of luck!

El Gran Inka

2011-07-11T12:58:00.000-07:00

My sister and I met up with my sister's friend at El Gran Inka after biking with our brother in Key Biscayne - no, I did NOT try the bridge! My sister and her friend are both in the field I am seriously considering venturing into so I tagged along as a networking opportunity. How very adult of me.

This place is far as hell. On the way there we drove by a Japanese restaurant I've heard great things about, Hiro's Yakko-San, so I made a mental note for my eventual trek back out to the sticks. I had the fish ceviche, my sister had the Lomo Saltado, and her friend had the mixed seafood ceviche. My ceviche was pretty good, but my sister's Lomo Saltado was aMAZing. The beef was so tender and the sauce was perfect. My sister's not used to eating at restaurants with me but I broke her in quickly - both I and her friend ending up tasting her dish. Her friend's mixed seafood ceviche I was happy to avoid - I just can't stand looking at tentacles, sorry :/ She ordered maduros that were very sweet, considering how pale they were - I tend to like them cooked (ahem, burnt) until they carmelize. We had some cocktails that had Chicha Morada in them that were very tasty and effective, and flan for dessert (they called it something else) that was pure silk in the mouth. I was rude, I took the last bite. Well, someone's got to!

The place was very fancy pants and romantic - pefect for a date, if that's your kind of thing. We ate outside but that was a mistake. The weather was fine but we attracted quite a bit of wildlife and by the end of the meal the flan plate was covered in ants. Dunno. I feel that in most Hispanic cooking the cheap places are just as good as the expensive places, but I can recommend El Gran Inka - if it happens to be in your neck of the woods.

I've already mentioned Moonchine (I think I've eaten there more than anywhere else - fantastic atmosphere!) but I'd like to note that if you check in there using social media you get a free shot - and it's good! The Moonchine shot tastes strongly of ginger and danged if it doesn't seem like a health drink cause of it. I'd order it even if it wasn't free, so there! Also, went to Lemongrass again with GS last night. Lemongrass, for my money, is the best, most consistent, Thai/Japanese restaurant I go to. You never, ever have a meal there that is anything less than stellar. Recommend so much! Note to self: must look for Thai tea at an Asian mart!

Duffy's Tavern

2011-06-28T07:23:00.000-07:00

Some places just hold a special place in your heart, and it's got nothing to do with the quality of the food and drink, the ambiance, the value for your dollar, or anything else you look for in a restaurant or bar. It's something far more intangible. It's made up of memories that are like a crazy quilt of impressions and half forgotten moments. Duffy's Tavern is one of those places.

I went back there after many many moons away with GS, just as an excuse to use up a coupon deal and to score a cheap-ish lunch. I like bar burgers more than any other burgers. Usually. But more on that later.

Duffy's was just as it always is, and always will be - a real BAR bar with a bunch of drunk regulars arguing about every subject under the sun - all the more vehemently for the less actual knowledge they had of said subject. The same servers as always though, the service seemed a lot better. The servers were very attentive and friendly but it may have been due to the hour and emptiness of the bar. Or maybe they were always that nice and I just don't remember. When we used to go to Duffy's I admit, we used to all get pretty damn wasted.

GS and I sat at the table that my friends and I used to use when Duffy's was a weekly meet up for us. I remember arguing my point in any given conversation and pounding my fist on the heavy wooden table for emphasis, often to the point of bruising my hand. Awwww, just like a regular, *sniff*.

The Amberbock was delicious, sweet nectar - so much better from draft than from the bottle. Man, we used to put gallons of that stuff away! This day we just had a pint each, like respectable people. The food was...meh. I had sliders that were bland and sweet - sweet not being a flavor I look for in burgers. Sweet onions, sweet bun - just not very flavorful at all. GS's burger was not thoroughly cooked and unfortunately he got really freaking sick that night - at one point he was wondering if he was going to have to ask me to take him to the hospital. I lucked out that the sliders were so thin that they were cooked well done all the way through, not the way I normally like my burgers but a good thing in this instance. GS survived but was, let's say, clean as a whistle after all was said and done. Hey, some people pay a lot of money for that very service ;)

They say you can never go back and in many ways this is a good thing. I had some great times at Duffy's back in the day but it was also the beginning of the end for my marriage. Getting trashed with your friends while your husband is at home is not a healthy sign for a relationship. Driving home in that condition was not the brightest decision either. Still, I remember things - smoking Black and Milds outside the bar, leaning against the brick facade (holding up the building as my former boss used to say), the jukebox that only seemed to play the best bar music EVER, and for the first time in over ten years being with friends rather than my ex. It was good while it lasted and I'm glad we all survived it.

Sooo in August I'm going camping a couple weeks in West Virginia with GS, before he leaves for another one of his months long adventures. Real camping, that is, with bears, foxes, bears, and ticks! And as I mentioned in my previous post I'm actually "training" (I'm nooo athlete) to do a very short duathlon with my amazingly athletic brother in September. I found this which looks amazing and I hope to convince my friends (and myself) to do it. Just dooooo it! And I'm back in school, too! Wow. Goals. I haz thems.

The Big Cheese of Miami

2011-06-14T09:29:00.000-07:00

Do you know that The Big Cheese used to be a funeral parlor? It's true. I know, because I confirmed with the staff after I heard the rumor, many years ago. They also obliged with good natured jokes about how the pizza ovens used to be the crematoriums. Cause that's how they roll. The Big Cheese is the least pretentious place to eat that is NOT fast food. The staff is easy going and casual. A place you can feel comfy taking kids and where your portions will be so large it will supply leftovers for 2 or 3 more meals, easily.

My brother took me, my mom, and his family to The Big Cheese for lunch on Sunday, sort of a post birthday celebration on a budget. I had the baked ziti with ricotta but I wasn't too crazy about their meat sauce-I should have stuck with my normal choice, spaghetti with pink sauce and shrimp. I LOVE their pink sauce! Oh, well. I was a good girl and didn't stuff myself, because I'm in training.

That's right, as old as I am, I finally feel up to trying to do a race. My brother is the most athetic guy EVA and he told me about an easy race that is a one mile run, 10 mile bike run, and three mile run. It's held monthly by Mack Cycle (a bike store I quite recommend for having very friendly and helpful staff) and my brother is planning to do it with his son. I would be so proud of myself if I did this! I tried jogging and managed two miles-did feel very close to puking afterwards-but I have a few months to get into shape. I need a lolcat for feline inspiration...

Pizza Rustica across from FIU (Main Campus)

2011-06-11T12:13:00.000-07:00

Though it's unusual to have a meal at Pizza Rustica devoid of the special sazón an advanced state of ravenous inebriation brings (the kind that comes at 2am), the pizza doesn't need it. It's awesome, even in broad daylight and completely sober. I've heard that the location across from Sunset Place is not up to par, but the new location across from the FIU Main campus certainly is.

I had the Con 3 Funghi pizza for lunch while waiting for my turn in the queue at Happy Hour Nails. It was everything I love about the pizza from the South Beach locations: Crispy crust, fresh and flavorable, good size, and a terrific selection of toppings to choose from.   It had big, fat cloves of roasted garlic as well as the shrooms...UM! The young lady at the counter was natural, friendly and attentive - I liked her quite a bit. She must be a model of patience to deal with the type of crowd I imagine wanders over from FIU.

It was slow when I went - luckily - and I hardly had to wait at all. There was one annoying customer that wanted his pizza "crispy" and not only had the girl put his pizza in the oven twice before he even tasted it, after sitting with it and taking one bite he sent it back again for further crisping. I'd have burnt it black for him, but that's because I'm a bitch.  So I've been told. I imagine a crowd of drunk college kids are less annoying that this guy who was quite old enough to know better. He looked to me as if seeking my support for his peevish whining but he looked to the wrong person - no one who works with the public will sympathize with anyone but the counter girl. I told her, "I would like to request that you heat my pizza as you would normally. Thank you."

I should also mention how pointless it is for the homeless to panhandle me; I've zero tolerance for the homeless - work has cured me of whatever I may have had originally. I remember snapping at a homeless dude who panhandled me at Burger King on my lunch break - and he was one of my customers! - like I needed to open THAT can of worms and have them leeching off of me every time I take out my wallet. They've already sucked my soul dry at work! I gave at the office was never more true. But I digress!

Anyway, this strip mall is culinary paradise as far as I'm concerned - Pizza Rustica AND El Rey de las Fritas???   Not to mention that Sarussi is only a couple blocks a way. Absolute heaven. Luckily it's not situated all that conveniently for me because with a diet like that, I'd be getting to heaven WAY faster.

Zen Village

2011-05-17T07:14:00.000-07:00

I've had it in the back of my mind to visit Zen Village for a while, but I am a bit shy about doing these things alone. I have to convince myself that I'm an adult who will never do anything interesting if I don't just, you know, do it. This past Sunday I bravely set out for their 9am class, Free Basic Meditation for Community.

I had seen pictures of the place online but no photograph can do it justice. The building is painted a strange green which is at least highly visible. It has a paved patio surrounding it with a stupa on the property-really elegant and lovely. But the inside, oh God, is perfect. I think living in such a beautiful home (because it is a repurposed old Grove house) would make up for a multitude of things, even, for having to live in Miami. Sky lights, wood paneling, numerous original windows and french doors (even the fasteners seem original), high ceilings, and a spiral staircase to the temple on the second floor. And, of course, it's decorated with all those gorgeous tapestries and statues and smells like cedar-I honestly could not get over how wonderful this place looks. Really, I stink at describing things, I just wish I could pile you all in my car and take you over there so you can see it yourself.

Patricia taught the morning meditation (this was my first meditation class ever) and she did a great job with me-because I was the only student there. I must admit, I felt pretty darn lucky. We sat for about twenty minutes and when my legs were completely numb and stiff she suggested we do a walking meditation around the stupa, then back to another seated meditation. She patiently answered all my questions, was funny and warm and real, and was just really great to listen to. I decided to come back to the noon Buddhist Sunday Service.

I'm so glad I went outside my comfort zone and checked this place out. Of course, now I want to go to all their classes and move in but, of course, work intrudes on my spiritual growth :P I'm looking forward to going back, soon and as often as possible. Come with!

Chinois Chinois

2011-05-17T06:52:00.000-07:00

I spied a new Chinese/Japanese restaurant, Chinois Chinois, the last time I got a pizza at Tutto Pizza. Interesting...more sushi is always a good thing. Then, by the happiest of coincidences (or maybe it was completely predictable), Voice Deal of the Day offered a coupon for it, which I promptly pounced on. I went to eat here on the tail end of my last illness; I had a few good days where I at least felt hungry so I thought it was time to venture into real food once more.

The restaurant is lovely, with lots of dark wood and red accents. There is outdoor seating, tastefully done; I can see this being a good spot to go on a date or for drinks with a small group of friends-even though it is right off of busy Coral Way. GS and I ate outside because it was only very hot instead of damn hot-it would have been a good idea except I was scratching throughout the meal because I was a meal to a horde of hungry mosquitos.

We had a sushi boat to share. It came with a portion of seaweed salad in a martini glass that was so pretty (I'm a sucker for good looks), a good selection of rolls (if someone would offer a sushi boat with no California roll I'd be all over that!), sushi and sashimi. It was more than enough-I even ended up with leftovers though the idea of sushi leftovers frankly scares me a bit. The waitress was very attentive-or perhaps telepathic-and I wasn't left waiting even a moment for anything. Though, of course, the restaurant WAS empty. And, we are old folks who eat dinner out on a Thursday at 6pm.

It's nice having this place so nearby, with plentiful, free parking. It's much more attractive than Sushi Chef and easier to get to, less crowded, and cheaper than, Mr. Yum. The restaurant doesn't have an online presence yet (I know, crazy, right???) so if you want take out you'd need to have a menu already or order at the restaurant.

Marhaba Mediterranean Cuisine

2011-05-10T08:33:00.000-07:00

I'm crazy. I think no one who knows me irl would argue with that assertion. For example: one year my birthday fell during a six month flirtation with vegetarianism. Where did I decide to have my birthday dinner with my friends? Shorty's. That's right, while my friends sucked on ribs I had corn and a baked potato. And I love BBQ.

So Sunday, being Mother's Day, my darling, long suffering brother decide to take the mess of women he is burdened with out to lunch. To Marhaba Mediterranean Cuisine. Now, I suffer from a chronically bad stomach. I actually spent last Sunday in the ER because I had been throwing up all night, and it felt like the witches brew simmering in my tummy was going to explode. I had been coddling myself all week with chicken soup and crackers and still didn't feel right (though, it's been so long since I've felt right I might not recognize it at this point). So, maybe Mediterranean food is not the wisest choice for someone with a tender stomach. At least we didn't go to an Indian place. I ordered grilled chicken breast with fries, the seemingly mildest thing on the menu and the only thing my kid will eat. But I tasted everything. It was all delicious, probably more so since it was the only flavorful thing I'd eaten in forever.

My sister-in-law's lamb was wonderful, as was my brother's beef dish, my mom's lentil soup, and all the appetizers they ordered. Everything was tasty without being at all spicy. I didn't care for the dessert and for a date juice I ordered-they both seemed faintly perfumed with violets. It might have been the honey they used? They have shot glasses of tea (shai, I believe) which were very nice, but the size of the glass was a cruel tease. The reviews I read online faulted the service but I thought it was fine, though, the restaurant was pretty empty and we were a pretty big party. The place is attractive and upscale-honestly more expensive than I'd willingly pay for, myself. $19 for grilled chicken breast is pricey. They have outdoor seating and apparently offer hookah, and the location (near Sunset Place) is a great place to hang out. All in all it was a great meal, a nice change from the perpetual sushi (which mom wouldn't eat anyway) and...Happy Mother's Day!

I do have to say that I did get sick that night, but after crying a while and feeling sorry for myself (my son graciously bestowed kisses-because of course children's kisses have miraculous healing properties) I laid in bed and pressed the painful spot and breathed into it (I did learn something in yoga class!). Then I thought of doing a castor oil pack and it helped a lot more-at least I didn't throw up again and slept all night and woke up feeling no worse than normal.

Shark Valley and 1909 Cafe

2011-04-03T10:50:00.000-07:00

"I'm sorry, we're not open", said the young lady at the counter at 1909 cafe, when GS and I came in at 2pm on a Friday.
"You're not?", said I.
"Yes, we are", said in a slightly exasperated tone by her co-worker.

1909 cafe has awesome sandwiches, so awesome I can forgive the counter staff for being comedians (I can forgive a girl almost anything if she's cute), so awesome I can forgive the clever names they give their sandwiches, so awesome I wish I worked there. Seriously, if I didn't need benefits like health insurance and didn't have rent to pay (not to mention my shoe obsession), I'd love to work in a sandwich or smoothie or salad place, one with genuinely good food and a relaxed, casual, happy atmosphere. Being practical is rarely fun.

I had the Italian Stallion (see, I told you about their names) and GS had Chicken Pesto. The sandwiches came on French baguettes, my favorite sandwich bread, with the ripest, reddest, tomatoes ever. I keep sopping up the oil and vinegar that would drop off the sandwich with the bread. The meal came with tantalizing little containers of pasta salad that were savory with tomato and roasted red pepper. A couple of grape sodas topped it all off.

We were both starving because we had ridden the fifteen mile trail at Shark Valley earlier. It was tough, but for some things I'm oddly competitive; I told myself I was only allowed to rest at the observation tower. There was some wind but luckily the weather was not excruciatingly hot. The rain that came earlier (a cold front it was called on the news, hahaha!!!) probably cooled things off a bit. I had my shiny, fixed up bike to ride but GS had to rent one of the single gear clunkers from them, which was good because it gave him a bit of a handicap. He's much more athletic and in shape than me and I didn't want to make a bad impression. I did show those little kids and old people who was queen of the trail! I got the Everglades park pass so I can go back-I really don't feel comfortable riding bike in traffic. And, then again, it's nice riding in nature-we saw many, many alligators, soft shelled turtles, and what I believe are Great Blue Herons, and Anhingas? Very big, pretty birds? Yup.

Coral Way Bicycle Shop

2011-03-29T08:03:00.000-07:00

IMO Miami leaves much to be desired as far as quality of life goes. Sure we have beaches, beautiful weather, and Cuban coffee on every corner, but in my day dreams I long for a place that's kind of like a college town, or I guess like many cities out West I've never visited except through the Interwebs. A place where I could frequent awesome outdoor markets, mingle with hippies, raise a couple chickens, and ride bike everywhere. Safely.

I am really, really clumsy (I have to move very consciously and slowly whenever I'm very CLOSE to a certain someone to avoid kneeing them in their privates or elbowing their eye-seriously, I do that kind of stuff all the time *sad face*), accident prone, and then again, Miami has horrible drivers. I would love to be able to ride a bicycle around town without fearing for my life, or at least find some places to ride where cars aren't allowed so a casual jaunt doesn't evolve into extreme sports.

Well, the first step in riding bicycle around is having a bicycle to ride. I covet those amazing vintagesque bikes that you find nowdays, but I'm trying to save money and really can't justify buying a bike when I know I won't ride it much. I have a gorgeous, fifteen year old Marin bicycle I bought in another life that was moldering in my mom's utility shed that I finally dragged over to Coral Way Bicycle Shop to get tuned up and have the inner tubes replaced. This shop is close to home and locally owned. I like having the opportunity to feel virtuous. I can't really comment on their prices because I have no point of comparison but what I imagined I'd pay and what I paid were about the same so I felt satisfied. They are very busy so I hope that means that far more seasoned and knowledgable people than myself trust the shop and the employees. I was acknowledged quickly, treated well and didn't have to wait long at all. I'll be using them again.

On a related note, why are bicycle helmets so ugly? Allegra showed me these cute Yakay helmets that of course they don't sell in the US yet...I can't believe no one has thought of this yet? All those clever people in those awesome cities out West that I idiolize so much are letting us down, design-wise! Better step up!

Free Spirits

2011-03-18T06:54:00.000-07:00

There are some places where you really don't expect good service. The DMV. The mechanic. I would put dive bars in that category as well. It's part of the gritty charm of a dive bar that the waitresses (who no doubt have bigger biceps than your boyfriend) treat you with indifference and disdain. I fondly remember Mug Nights at the Irish Tavern, and the waitresses there...let's just say they didn't suffer (drunken) fools gladly.

I went to Free Spirits for lunch because I needed something close to the undisclosed location I was at, and a bar burger sounded just fine. Wendy and I got there a bit early, which may have turned out to be a mistake. Nobody loves a power trip like someone powerless, and I'm pretty darn sure they opened seven minutes late just out of the pure pleasure of making us wait. It's not like the cute waitress was falling over herself to help us either; I've never seen anyone so gifted at avoiding eye contact. No matter. I don't particularly need my waitress to be my best friend, I'm all about the professional efficiency, not that schmoozy, let me pop-a-squat and fake intimacy with my customers to hopefully get a better tip. You know, like they do at Fridays, and Applebees, and...I could never pull off that fake shit, which is probably why I had so little success when I worked at places like that.

Anyway, she was barely civil but it's ok. The burgers came in time and were tasty as hell and I'd still go back, with no expectations, as usual. It was pretty neat seeing a grandmotherly woman ordering a scotch, neat, on a Friday at noon. Man, I can't wait to be old and not have to pretend to be respectable...it's going to be awesome.

Shake Shack and Krishna Das and Prana Yoga

2011-03-05T14:15:00.000-08:00

When it comes down to it, the real question about Shake Shack is: is it better than Five Guys? On the whole, I'd have to say yes. The Shake Shack patty had that bar burger taste I like so much (which is probably just the taste of salt on real, gloriously fatty, beef, I think-or maybe it's the cooking process...). The bun is sweeter than normal, which I don't prefer but I can make an exception for. I think their fries are frozen, not hand made as are the fries from Five Guys (those sacks of potatoes lying around Five Guys DOES MEAN that their fries are made on the premises, correct? Or is it a cleverly misleading ploy?). I mean, the Shake Shack fries are krinkle kut, how can those possibly be made outside a factory? Anyway, everyone knows that the best fries in the world are freshly made McDonalds fries. They must melt some crack in that fryer oil. True story: I did someone's taxes for McDonalds fries. True, it was only the EZ form, but still...The day was kind of chilly (75 degrees and I'm already freezing) so I didn't order the custard, which I'm sure would have made it a much better experience. I love me some shakes; I'll go back soon for one.

I went to the Krisha Das concert. I swear, you'd think that hippies would be the most natural people around but in fact they really seem to be the most affected, artificial people around. Snooki ain't got nothing on them. What with all the hugging, and the smiling, and the earnestness, and the bare feet, and the dreads and dirtiness! Whenever they get dressed in clean clothes they probably roll around on the ground, like a freshly washed puppy trying to fix his smell. I mean, it's not like anyone has ceased in their efforts to be attractive, if you know what I mean...they are just trying to appeal to a different demographic. They're as calculating as everyone else. But the concert did make me miss my kundalini class...I really liked the one at Skanda yoga...chanting kirtan is more rewarding when you don't to block out whirling dervishes. I nearly took a blow to the eye.

Took a class at Prana Yoga last week, my first time there. The parking situation is tolerable; you can park at the nearby court house for free (and after hours, there is parking available there) or park at meters. Kind of, sort of, free parking. They have a terrifically extensive schedule with lots of basic classes, and also kundalini and meditation classes, which are hard to find elsewhere. I'm definitely going to check out that kundalini class there. Someday. It's a really beautiful space as well, one of the prettiest I've seen...It looks like it was a former dance studio. It's gorgeous and spacious all around, just like how a yoga studio is supposed to look...as long as you don't look up at the acoustic tiles ;) No, seriously, don't look up, they are shabby lol

All in all, I really liked the place except except except...I've never found a better teacher for my taste than Joan at Rina Yoga, who teaches Hatha yoga. So many teachers just seem to mechanically lead you through a bunch of vinyasas over and over...it's especially a bad idea for a beginner's class, I think. I mean, there are so many neat yoga poses! You have to excite beginners with some funky poses, some yummy stretches and twists, and not lead them through a bunch of sun salutations (with excruciatingly extended dog pose) that they don't have the upper body strength for...it doesn't make it fun. Joan makes it fun and challenging enough, without being intimidating. On the other hand, it was nice not being the worse one in class, for once. I know yoga is not a competitive sport blah blah blah but come on, of course you compare yourself to the others. When I heard the girl next to me squeak out that she was scared to try the plow position, I swear my heart melted a bit. I was there, too, honey, I was there, too...anyway, I'm definitely going to try out other classes they offer, with different instructors, and see how they do.

When I was doing my practice, I noticed that someone had painted a tiny om symbol right near when I had my mat. I couldn't see another anywhere else. I like that kind of thing, cause I'm flaky. Signs from the universe, ya dig...

Safar Coiffure

2011-02-28T11:44:00.000-08:00

I feel human again. I finally got my nails done today at Safar Coiffure, a very pretty spa/salon in South Pointe. Of course I used a Groupon, but normal prices there aren't TOO outrageous-$50 for a mani/pedi. My awesome little place is only around $25 for the same but it's impossible for me to get there most days...I could walk to Safar during my lunch hour.
I had a talkative Ukranian woman do my nails who kept up a running commentary about anything should could think of (Shaquille O'Neal is nice, Janice Dickinson is not) but somehow she wasn't annoying-she was childlike in a charming sort of way. Foreigners can get away with so much. She did an adequate job on my nails but not amazing-she did little for cuticles and calluses, which is what I really care about. My theory (and I have a theory about everything) is that places that are strictly nails only do a better job because the owners make sure that the services are standardized among their staff. Hair salons and spas seem to just hire any licensed person to do nails and then not really worry about what the technician actually DOES. She wasn't awful, I just wasn't impressed. There's another place that's close by that's nails only with similiar pricing-even though it's not anywhere as pretty as Safar (in fact, it's downright grubby)- and they do a much better job.
But, I'm just happy to have a pedicure again. I hate open toes shoes with unpainted nails, and since I have a foot fetish to support, I got to step up my game. I actually remember that the last time I did my nails was December 30th, when I normally can't remember my address properly. Gotta represent, ya know?

King Kone Hand Rolls

2011-02-23T13:00:00.000-08:00

This is blog number 69. Snigger.

My diet has been crap lately. I haven't felt like grocery shopping, much less like cooking, and honestly, nothing has really seemed appetizing anyway. Times like this I wish we had dog food for humans. Just a nutritionally complete people-kibble that would taste reasonably good and I could live on it alone. Eating can be such a chore. I wish I was an air plant. Or a robot. I wish I could teleport nutrition into my belly, bypassing my mouth altogether.

As a special little treat for myself, I went to King Kone Hand Rolls for lunch today. Mind you, this is a special little treat I planned out last week. Making sure I have three meals a day arranged is one of my tasks. I can't simply open up the fridge and snack on something; this requires careful planning and utilization of my meager resources. I mean, I have to put something in my stomach regularly or it starts to, like, hurt. And stuff.

I had a Groupon for this place so I ordered quite a bit of food, too much food, actually. I had to throw some of it away, something I wouldn't normally do but sushi doesn't keep. I had a ceviche hand roll, a dragon one, some seaweed salad, and something called sunomono which is cucumber salad with kimchee sauce, or so I was told. Everything was pretty much fine. Not thrilling, but fine. Well-priced. I really don't like the seaweed hand rolls come wrapped in so I ate the filling with a fork. It was basically a mound of rice with chopped veggies, fish, sauce and toppings...pretty good but not exquisite. And only superlative awesomeness is tempting my fickle palate lately. I mean, the paper thin slices of white tuna, garnished with scallions, dipped in ponzu sauce, that I had at Mr. Yum recently was exquisite. "Pretty good" is just puppy chow. Must. Regain. Food. Mojo.

Sublime

2011-02-17T13:19:00.000-08:00

Went to Sublime for an unfashionably early dinner with GS yesterday. I had pregamed at his house with wine because I'd had a crappy day, one of those days where it seems every asshole in SoFla crosses your path, so by the time we got there I was smiling. Yes, you can tell I'm tipsy when I smile.

The place is huge and my first thought was, can this place possibly be in the black? I know it was 6:30pm on a Wednesday but still, I can't imagine that it was fiscally worthwhile opening at all that day. It's very pretty and elegant in a cold way, or pretentious as GS opined, but the menu is pretty down to earth. It's vegetarian and touted as natural and organic and all those foodie catch words. Everything on the menu appeared recognizable and edible but maybe a bit too safe and boring? The menu also seemed extremely limited for a restaurant of that size; it was more of a bistro type menu where you'd assume they'd change out dishes regularly. I imagine Sublime doesn't do that.

The wait staff was extremely attentive and deferential which is, I suppose, better than rude and standoffish but it didn't ring quite true. I guess I was throw off by the prison tattoos on my server's neck. I imagine the reason, at least partly so, for the great service was the presence of the owner haunting the restaurant. She insisted on speaking to everyone at their tables, which I guess was a nice touch if I didn't freaking hate that kind of shit. At least I was tipsy enough to not be completely cold and uncomfortable. She opened up the conversation by welcoming me back. Umm...I've never been there. She then asked GS if he had been in recently...umm...negatory. Seriously, lady, you don't recognize us. You don't know us. IT'S OKAY. Luckily she finally went away.

We both ordered pizzas: GS got a carmelized onion with mushroom and I got a "cheddar", BBQ sauce and onion one. Yes, I understand I just complained about how dull the menu choices were, and then I went ahead and ordered the safest choice. Sue me. My pizza was much better than GS's, which was bland and not nice on the tummy. I guess vegan food doesn't go down well. The vegan coconut cake was really good, and I took all the leftovers home because, with the two pizzas, cake, and a couple drinks, the bill came to $56 before tip. GS paid the remainder after my Groupon took care of $50 off the bill, and left the tip. He said that he was glad the bill was so low because he would have felt really gypped paying full price for the meal...I did remind me that I paid $25 for that $50 Groupon, so the bill was actually around $31 before tip...reasonable but not a huge bargain. I guess the meal was worth that much but not more. I'm glad I went there because I had been wanting to for close to a year, but I'm also very glad that I/we didn't pay full price.

Biutiful

2011-02-05T10:22:00.000-08:00

Go see it. Today. Now.

Be prepared to cry: not that silent, dignified weeping, but outright sniffly bawling. There was not a dry eye in the theater. Yes, the men too. It's one of the best movies I've ever seen. It's definitely the most sad. Amazing. And, beautiful.

Russian & Turkish Baths

2011-01-26T14:28:00.000-08:00

I roused myself from the pit of despair I was mired in last Sunday to post a feeble cry for help on Facebook, "anyone want to go with me to the Russian and Turkish Baths on the beach?" I knew that several of my Groupon groupie friends had purchased the Groupon for the baths when it came out a few months ago so I was hoping someone would agree to meet me, thus forcing me to get out of the apartment when all I wanted to do was lay down and moan feebly.
I met Krei at the baths at noon and we spent a couple hours there, alternately baking, steaming, freezing, and boiling ourselves. Since we're silly, we ran around playing with everything that wasn't tied down. We blasted each other with fire hoses. We jumped up and down under the rain showers. We found the leaves they use for platza and started beating each other experimentally with them when a stern, tattooed young guy in a Speedo came up to us and, disapprovingly, mutely held out his hand for us to return the leaves to him. Thus chastized by this guy who was obviously a Russian mobster who has killed people we stopped poking around and went back to the aromatherapy room.
One cool way to seem like a bad ass is to get nice and toasty in one of the hot rooms and then jump into the ice cold water pool and pour buckets of ice water over your head. After the intial shock it actually feels great.
I knew I would feel like a wrung out, wet mop by the end of it all and need a long nap, and I was right. I went home and straight to bed but first, just to ensure that I passed out, I made myself a vodka and tonic. Ok, ok, so Grey Goose is French, not Russian, but at least I was in the spirit of things.

*As I read this over I notice an excessive use of metaphor and pun that I'd like to apologize for now.

Spizzigo and El Novillo

2011-01-22T10:32:00.000-08:00

Playing catch up today at work. Not on work related tasks, God forbid! But on my blog. You can't force these things, you know.

My son, mom and I have been having dinner with the changing cast my uncle drums up for our bi-weekly get togethers for months now, and it's been pretty good - as long as we've stuck to Tutto Pizza. Our last two get togethers were at Spizzigo and El Novillo respectively and I found our meals there both lame and sad.

Spizzigo is located in a strip mall in Doral (please understand, I dislike Doral and everything in it in an intense and irrational way) which is already a point against the restaurant. The place is cute, if perhaps a bit cookie cutter and sterile in design. And freaking cold! What's with running the A/C at meat locker temperatures? Eh. What can I say? The meal was a disaster from the start. I'm sure the waiter absolutely hated us.

It seemed that my whole family was in cahoots to be as critical as possible. We are usually nice! Really! I swear! But...they forgot to get me a wine glass, forgot to bring a place setting for my cousin's wife, they were out of almost every wine my uncle tried to order but two, half the entrees we ordered were cold...the waiters were pretty damn cute, I admit, but sullen and almost rude. I watched three charming, adorable and admittedly annoying-as-hell little kids try to get a taste of the gelato and the counter guy blew them off completely. I don't think our waiter even attempted to look pleasant.

My uncle ordered insalata de pere, gorgonzola e noci for everyone as a starter. The creamy dressing was way too sweet and had no balance and the pears were not ripe. The bread they brought us was terrible, how do you call the dough part? The masa? Not the crust but the...well, you get it, it was all doughy, undercooked, and the crust was dusty with flour and some pathetic herbs...no crunch at all. It has the texture and edibility of Play Doh. I ordered spaghetti salmone e limone and the sauce was greasy as hell and with no hint of *limone*. My mom had some mushroom/spinach tortellini that was so salty. Absurdly so. It's like they knew she had high blood pressure and were trying to bring about a speedy demise. My son's pizza was pretty much ok, and we were all happy to *help* him finish it. Altogether merda, from start to end. Maybe gelato would have redeemed it but I think not. At least we had alchol. We'll always have alchol.

We had dinner at El Novillo on our previous familial outing. I've eaten there several times, usually for work, and have found it to be a nice, inoffensive, harmless kind of place where everyone's palate can get along. BO-RING! I had skirt steak and it was a bit undercooked, more rare than medium rare, but a little bloody meat never bothered me. The side dishes are so dull! They ladle out of a trough some mushy red beans and rice that are just bland, and some maduros that are sliced too thick...honestly, there are few things that annoy me more in life than thickly sliced maduros...the oil doesn't get to the middle and so you don't have the proper ratio of sweet, carmelized outsides to sweet, softened, cooked insides. It's just dry and raw in the middle. Caca! Well, to be fair it was fine. Honestly. It's like eating at your grandma's house, but not the good cook, the other one. It's hard to ruin this type of food but it's easy to find it prepared with indifference. I'm too picky about Hispanic food to deal with these generic, substandard meals. You got to put some love into it, damn it! And, of course, pour the wine liberally. I've firmly established myself as the family alchy, and I'm ok with that.

Tamiami Truckers Food Court

2011-01-22T08:39:00.000-08:00

The whole food truck business seems to inspire a great deal of feeling in people, from great apathy to great antipathy to great, um...sympathy? Just trying to keep the trend going, there. I've had my eye on the burgeoning food truck bizniz here in Miami (damn you, Ms. Cheezious, you stole our idea!) and I've generally thought, it's a good thing. What's not to love about cheap, tasty, sometimes interesting food coming right to you? It seems Miami borrows nothing cool from other, hipper cities and frankly, it bums me out. Miami is sooo provincial.

Well, I was texting about my evening plans to check out the Tamiami Truckers Food Court to this friend of mine, and I didn't really expect him to have such, ahem, strong feelings about the food truck craze. But here, I'll let him say it in his own words, "One thing is enjoying a bite at a place and appreciating it for what it is. But this is another matter altogether. It borders on the obscene at this point...I have had it with this food truck business. It is so shallow. You won't order a grilled cheese sandwich from Denny's, but all of sudden some Argentine c*** brings you one in a truck and it's the culinary equivalent of the Venus de Milo? F*** that. It's the excitement in people's eyes that most gets to me...There are perfectly decent restaurants going out of business, closer to home. I'm not excited about standing in line with 200+ assholes who think this "street meat" parade is worth the sojourn inot the hills for a "really good sandwich". All those FB updates, these twatters...I just can't take it."

I must say, full disclosure, this is one of my very best friends and I retaliated by posting many Facebook and twatter updates about the whole event, just to bug him. I'm so mature.

I do see his point(s). It was far as hell for me. You get there and there is a sense of expectancy that never gets fulfilled...like another friend of mine said that night (be careful what you say, I will quote you), "It's like the Youth Fair without any rides".

Exactly. I ate a lot, and enjoyed some things quite a bit...especially the carnita I had from Jefe's. The fish taco from there seemed a little bland but P did steal my hot sauce. Oh! And Wendy's Crab Salad and Cheddar sandwich from Ms. Cheezious was really good, especially when she added the perennial pickles to it...I know she'll be making those at home very soon. I thought the lettuce wraps from Miso Hungry was only ok, the pork inside was very dry. The only sign of freshness in the wrap was the cilantro. We had crepes at the French place that were pretty great, too.

All in all, I had a really nice time but to be honest, it was mostly the company and, well, the beer helps, of course. I would have had an equally nice time at Wendy's apartment with the same people. Now that I've done it once I don't know that I need to do it again, especially to the meet-ups that are so FAR. Some of the meet-ups are much closer and I'm not averse to trying them out...I spent like $15 for quite a lot of food. It is nice, however, to have a destination on a weekend night, it keeps me from feeling like I'm melting into a sloth-like complacency where I never go out anymore. I will just put forth one request: Port-a-Potties? Please?

Robert is Here Fruit Stand and Farm

2011-01-13T13:42:00.000-08:00

I romanticize country life, I admit that. I imagine myself in some self sufficient paradise where the pantry is full of canned produce from my own garden, the laundry is drying on the line outside and chickens and piglets run around in happy, free-range bliss. I suppose the reality of country life is probably relentless poverty and a crushing work load but hey, it's my fantasy, damn it. Don't be a buzz kill.

Robert is Here is one of those places that I feel compelled to drag the uninitiated to. It's far as hell and I suppose anything you find there you can find in a more convenient location but, what's the fun in that? You can find fresh produce, jarred jellies, jams and preserves, and the most delicious milkshakes in terrific flavors such as key lime and cantalope/chocolate. There is a small farmyard with real live animals (a weird mix including turtles, geese, ostriches or emus or something, burros or donkeys or something, parrots, chickens, goats...you get it) that no doubt eat a hell of a lot better than you and I do. Hell, there is even a working water pump to play with!

I'm not sure of the sustainability of their products...I suppose I could contact them to ask if their products are produced locally or not, but I'm lazy. I assume their produce is local and their jarred items are not. In any case, it's always better to buy from an independent business rather than a chain, and it's always better to buy local food rather than something trucked in. That would make you a locavore. Crazy!

South Florida Boxing

2010-12-28T11:51:00.000-08:00

I've fallen off the face of the earth, blog-wise. It's because of a mix of inertia, ennui, and lack of disposable income. But, here I go, again!

I've attested to my love of Groupon and Living Social several times already...really, they have some great deals. I used a Body Shop and American Apparel coupon for my Christmas shopping and even finished up some of the exercise deals I'd gotten, to Skanda Yoga and Dharma Yoga Studio. I tried out South Florida Boxing with a Groupon as well...and joined the gym.

Let's get this straight, I'm lazy and I hate exercising. That being said, I know I need to exercise for my health and looks and all that, blah blah blah. The real impetus for my current push to get fit is that a certain doubting Thomas has stated that I would be unable to hike Machu Picchu cause I'm so out of shape. Mind you, I have never had any desire to visit Machu Picchu but damn it, NOW I'm going to go to Machu Picchu this year, hike that motherfucker, and send someone a picture of me on top, flipping the bird.

Yeah, I got a lot of hostility going, so joining a boxing gym seems like a good place to work out some of my aggression. I love yoga, and it's a great workout...if you think it's easy and for pansies, you've never tried a class. There's more to it than chanting "OM", trust me. Well, boxing takes a "great workout" to a whole other level. It's like boot camp, I swear, the last class I took I almost puked in.

The instructor leads you through the kinds of exercises that you could, admittedly, do on your own at home if you had that kind of willpower and drive, but, who does? Stretches, jumping jacks, squats, lunges, medicine ball, dumbells...then when you're good and exhausted, you get to beat on a bag with gloves on. It's exhausting, and it's exactly the kind of exercise we all need but secretly hate. Or maybe that's just me.

It's not cheap, but it's all instructor led exercise, which I require, and I sincerely believe that you shouldn't skimp on your health, exercise, or food. The owner is a woman, which is pretty cool in its own right, but there is admittedly a bit of a hard sell to join. I guess that's true of any gym; you always feel like you're selling your soul to the devil when you sign one of those contracts. Though, if I had sold my soul to the devil I could have all the benefits of exercise without having to break a sweat.

Groupon and Living Social

2010-10-12T10:26:00.000-07:00

Even though I like a deal I'm a little wary about online coupons and things that in general seem too good to be true. I had heard of Groupon a long time ago but, since the website wouldn't open at work (yes, they filter discounts like they're porn) I just didn't consider it. When Evil G forwarded a discount for yoga classes that were so super cheap (5 classes for $40 at Miami Yogashala in Brickell; since then I've seen cheaper deals but I was a newbie then) I couldn't resist. I bought that one, then I bought some deals at Living Social, which sometimes has even better prices.

The way it works is that each coupon website offers a daily deal in your area. They can be for spa services, restaurants, exercises classes...I'm sticking to exercise classes for now since I already know I like yoga and the classes are normally so damn expensive. You buy the deal and then you have a .pdf file to print emailed to you as a voucher, or you can call up the deal on the website's app on your smart phone as well. The deals have a certain expiration date that you need to use them by.

I have about five deals floating around and finally used one today, for yoga classes at Dharma Studio ($17 for 5 classes, that's the price of one class in many places!). I have to admit, I'm very shy about using coupons like this and such; I'm cheap but I hate appearing so. Luckily, there were a few other people using the same coupon as well so I felt more confident. The staff there was very cool about accepting the Groupon, which awarded them extra bonus points.

Dharma Studio is located in Coconut Grove. It's a beautiful spot but sucky because of one of my main pet peeves: inadequate parking and PAID parking. I hate paying for parking, but even more when it's not to be found. I'm on vacation this week so I can just take some day classes, when parking is not such an enormous headache, and I'll take some Friday classes (my schedule is every Friday off, every Saturday working) until I finish up the coupon. Dharma charged a $2 mat rental fee, which really kind of blows since I don't own a mat yet and because I've never been charged for using a studio mat before (I just ordered one but was debating the eco aspects of it for a while, and decided on this one).

The classes offered there seem very femme friendly and yuppie, at least according to the titles (Gentle Stretchy Yoga, Funyasa). Not much brutal pretzel twists and intimidation factor, which is fine since I am very much a novice who doesn't devote enough time to practice. I took the Yoga Lowdown class today with Natalie. She's very friendly and approachable, in that way that makes me wonder if she's the owner? That's a good thing, FYI. The class was pretty gentle, and devoted to nice stretches in a mostly horizontal position. No Sun Salutations or Inverted Poses. I liked the stretching but at the end there was quite a bit of self massage with rollers and tennis balls. Frankly, it hurt. I think I'm not muscular, padded, or tense enough to enjoy that deep level of massage, but a couple women there were moaning in pleasure so, each to her own. It's probably just me. Tomorrow I'm trying the Gentle Stretchy class to check it out. My vacation is basically to be spent pretending I'm independently wealthy or retired. Is it just me or does work really get in the way of life? Just saying.

The yoga studio I normally go to is Rina Yoga. The Thursday Hatha Yoga night class with Joan is challenging enough that I push myself without being so difficult that I feel lost. It works out great with my schedule, is very close to home, and parking is free :) So far I don't know if Dharma Yoga is offering any competition to Rina Yoga, though if the Friday class I plan on trying is great I may buy a class card just for that; Rina doesn't have Friday morning classes at this time. Really the only thing I hold against Dharma is the parking situation and the mat fee; the studio itself is lovely (though I did notice a pet pee smell on the ground...the mats? Ghostly pet presence? It was weird) I still have a few other studios to check out and I also got some boxing classes and some passes to the Russian baths at the beach; I'll review those as I use them.

Tutto Pizza/Tutto Pasta

2010-10-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

Tutto Pizza is one of those places that you invariably return to, again and again. Like Moonchine, you will never get a bad meal there.

I've been sleeping over at mom's a couple times a month so she can watch my son while I work (every single Saturday, serving the undomiciled public with a plastic smile!) or take my Ayurveda classes. My uncle, who must like us or something, has sporadically taken us out to dinner during these sleepovers; we usually end up at Tutto Pizza, which is both child friendly (picky seven year old) and chef friendly (picky seventy year old). Yes, my uncle is a chef and a baker, and I remember countless meals as a child with him critiquing my eating habits. I don't know why I smelled everything, even the silverware....kids are weird that way. Anyway, as an adult I really enjoy meals with him because: A. he has fantastic taste B. he orders appetizers and wine, something I can never afford to do C. he orders for everyone, which is great since I'm indecisive and like these chivalrous throwbacks and D. he pays. This all adds up to a WIN-WIN-WIN-WIN!

We went there last Saturday: me, my mom, my son, my uncle, and my uncle's girlfriend. This is supposed to be a point of contention, the girlfriend, seeing how my uncle's divorce was awkward at best (my uncle and aunt still work together, everyday) and how she is around 20 years younger than him...but hell, I don't care, go for yours, Tio. She's nice to me, and that's all I care about.

My uncle ordered Focaccia al Rosmarino, Salmon Carpaccio, a Margherita pizza, and a Portobello and Pollo. I'm still on edge when eating around my uncle, a childhood holdover, so I just sat back and waited for them to move. My uncle's GF dressed the mixed greens that came with the salmon with balsamic, oil, and lemon juice; I've never added the lemon juice to balsamic but it's a great idea, it really brightens the salad and mildens (if it's not a word, it should be) the vinegar. We dipped the focaccia into olive oil, stared meaningfully at the last bit of salmon, poured fizzy water and wine, oh, the wine...Malbec by Santa Florentina. For me to actually remember that name means I said it to myself about ten times. It was so good, without that tannic aftertaste. The four of us went through two bottles and my mom got tipsy, which was cute...she kept trying to turn off the alarm when we got home by turning it on. And she giggled.

Seriously, go eat there. If you're not in the mood for pizza, Tutto Pasta is right next door. I haven't eaten there in many years, but I remember it as being great, if noisy. I don't mind the noise, really, I want them to remain popular. I can't take another heartbreak like Siam Lotus Room.

Pura Vida

2010-10-02T09:58:00.000-07:00

Didn't do the frugal thing and pack a lunch today, so I went to the local hippie and healthy restaurant, Pura Vida. With the day I was having at work, I deserved a little lunchtime treat, and everyone knows that food made by someone else tastes better anyway. This is especially true of sandwiches. And, Pura Vida is within walking distance. You know how I feel about walking distance.

I've had my eye on this place since moving to my new work location, but it's about the same walking distance as Burger King and when comparing both price and shameless indulgence factor, BK has won previously...but not today. I have to admit, I don't like denying myself anything, and when the job gets to me I end up soothing myself with cigarettes, a Twix bar, a soda, or something like BK. Today I was doing the healthy thing, dammit. I'm not letting this job drive me to an early grave or a bigger dress size because of stress eating. Pura Vida lacks the crunchy vibe and extensive menu of Juice and Java and, of course, the sandwiches are not in the same galaxy as La Sandwicherie, but, did I mention it's within walking distance?

I bought my coworker some lentil soup, trying to improve my karma through good works, and got myself the lunch special of a turkey sandwich and a juice. The staff there was pretty close to awesome (I remember witnessing what appeared to be a lover's spat between two gorgeous Juice and Java employees and man, did that make the atmosphere cold...which helped, actually, since they don't really run the AC there). Anyone who has ever waited tables tends to be kind of picky about food workers, and I'm no exception.

The cool counter chick with some serious tattoos and perfectly adequate English (don't pretend it doesn't matter) was efficient and genuinely friendly. I ordered a strawberry juice since the special included a single (fruit) juice, but she threw in a banana extra because, "it tastes better" that way. You know? That was really damn nice of her. THAT'S how you guarantee a repeat customer. The turkey sandwich was fine, but, most sandwiches are just fine with me. Good enough to satiate hunger but not enough to gorge on; I just ate half of it. It came with what I believe was miso dressing on the side, which was also just fine.

This place is known for their Acai items, especially their Acai bowl, but it sounded too much like breakfast to me. The place is not super cheap but, when you take into account the sizes of the portions and how healthy the food is, it really is a good deal...I mean, I know I'm cheap but what more do I want? I exasperate myself sometimes. It was 15 bucks for my lunch special and the extra soup I bought, and this lunch could feed me two meals. I'll definitely be back, but probably not for a sandwich again. I'll stick to smoothies and try that Acai bowl at some point. And I say to BK, "Get thee behind me, Satan".

Are you Ayurveda?

2010-09-14T13:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm starting a second blog, Are you Ayurveda?, where I'll be sharing the things I learn and my experiences during this adventure...

Pei Wei Asian Diner and Sai Ayurvedic College

2010-09-13T11:08:00.000-07:00

I enrolled in the Sai Ayurvedic College, partly because I've had a growing interest in natural, preventive, and holistic healthcare, and mostly because, if I end up working at my government job long enough to collect a thirty-year award someday, I'll blow my brains out in front of all my collected colleagues. I guess I'll be starting another blog about Ayurveda for all you crunchy types out there that I love. Because, hippies and I are likethis and we can finish each other's sentences, baby.

I had lunch with my fellow students and my teacher (and man, am I ever outclassed by my classmates...Reiki Masters and Yoga teachers and Massage Therapists and the owner of Camden-Grey Essential Oils!) at Pei Wei Asian Diner in Kendall. I would have pronounced it "Pee Wee" but they said "Pay Way" and I bow to their assuredly superior knowledge. It was jam packed so I figured it would be good...and it actually was. I had Fried Rice, which was hardly a bold choice, but I was feeling like a bland meal would be good and a lot of their choices are spicy. The portions were generous and since they sizzled up at least the finishing touches of the meal upon order, it had a nice, fresh taste. I had mine with tofu since of course all my classmates are vegetarian and it was satisfying enough. I consider myself to be pretty healthy but nowhere near as hardcore as these people; my teacher had her meal with hot water (hot water aids in digestion) and I had a coke...and no one took their leftovers but me because according to Ayurvedic principles eating leftovers create aam or ama in the body, which is basically an accumulation of toxins in the body. Hey, I learned something already! I forgot my leftovers at school so I emailed the teacher to trash them; apparently, the Dhanvantari was looking out for me. OMG I'm going to become sooooo annoying from all this!

Havana Harry's

2010-08-02T11:14:00.000-07:00

Nothing like being a professional third wheel. I am in the yeti of relationships so I end up going stag to a lot of things. Let's not pretend, it's awkward, no matter how happy I am with mythological/elusive guy. I went to Havana Harry's to celebrate MG's MBA graduation and it was me and 4 other couples. Luckily I sat across from Migs who got into the critical spirit with me, bashing the food which everyone else found to be "all right". Well, sure, it was all right, but what's the fun in saying that? No need to be polite, we're among friends, and it's not like any of us cooked it.

I strongly believe that there is an inverse relationship between how much you pay for Cuban food and how good it is. It's always a mistake to try to make Cuban food into Cuban *cuisine*; it's much better tasting when you pay practically nothing at the cheap places. The restaurant itself was fancypants, though there were some dissociative touches like linen tablecloths and napkins with paper napkins and tablecloths on top...it's as if they didn't know whether to hand us crayons to write on the tables or sneer at us. And the food...

Ok, I got a steak sandwich. Trying to economize, doncha know. I ate my frozen-then-fried fries and limp-handshake of a sandwich, all the while eyeing Leonard's scrumptious looking churrasco. Facepalm. Migs and I had a simultaneous eureka! moment when we realized why we hated the black beans: liquid smoke seasoning. For real? In Cuban beans? Meh. I tasted someone's pork and it was too salty. The Passion Fruit tea was tasty and not too sweet. Basically, it was a very uneven meal. Heck, I didn't even take home my leftovers, which is a highly aggressive act on my part. A virtual slap on Harry's face.

Luckily the evening was redeemed by drinks and smokes on MG's balcony, where the changing characters braving the humidity with me relieved potential loser discomfort. I even learned that, if you have the spins after a night of drinking, keeping one foot on the floor when you lay down in bed will stop that. And, here! If you look closely at this grainy, black & white photo taken from a great distance, there's the guy I'm dating! See? He does exist.

Kon Chau Chinese Restaurant and Fifteenth Street Books

2010-07-24T12:37:00.000-07:00

Don't let me order at restaurants anymore. Please. I don't care if I'm to be the death of feminism, please, just order for me like they did in the olden days. It's definitely a universal law of some kind, like the Law of Attraction or Murphy's Law or something - whatever my dinner companion orders will be far better than what I order. Went in for some dim sum at Kon Chau Chinese Restaurant with GS a whiles ago. I dutifully compiled a list from Yelp reviews and used that to order. BIG MISTAKE. We basically ended up with a mishmash of starches that just didn't go together at all. I guess it's kind of funny. I had a bunch of leftovers. Like Argentinians say, there's nothing that a fried egg can't improve. The place was described as shabby on Yelp but I thought it was fine, though GS did mention the men's restroom smelled like a cat litter box. I went to smell the women's room to compare and it wasn't so bad. What do you guys do in there anyway? We walked over to Lucky Oriental Market, which is in the same strip mall, to look for something that could wash the taste of failure out of my mouth. God, I love that place - talk about local color. It's run by Chinese Cubans who only speak Chinese or Spanish; to hear a wrinkled old Chinese lady call someone, "Caballero" is a freaking treat, let me tell you. They have a whole bunch of weird things with undecipherable labels, it's a blast to visit. I think that whole strip mall is being taken over by Chinese, actually. There is an acupuncture place there, and since my last visit they opened the seediest looking Chinese Massage parlor. For reals! It looks straight out of Amsterdam.

GS likes used bookstores so we checked out Fifteenth Street Books in the Gables. It's the location of the old Books and Books and on the same street as the new location. Newish, I guess it's been like ten years by now. The place is one of those utterly charming, wacky places that you can't figure out how they make enough money to pay the rent. Obviously, they're laundering money. Half bookstore, half antique store, it's run by a whispery gentleman who is in charge of the used books section, and by a pair of Hispanic ladies who run the antiques section. Poor GS doesn't understand much Spanish so he was not able to appreciate the most awesomest lady there who made us Cuban coffee (in glass cups! with saucers!) and proceeded to tell me the most hilarious details about her work relationship with the used books guy. He asked me later what she and I were giggling about so much. Ah, again, local color.

DeJongh Acupuncture Clinic

2010-07-14T10:52:00.000-07:00

So even though I am broke and just had a pay cut and who knows what will happen with the layoffs and such...I decided to try acupuncture because I suffer from a whole host of vague maladies that make eating, drinking alcohol, smoking, relaxing, and sleeping difficult. That's serious. What else in life do I even have left to enjoy? I'm in a constant state of discomfort. And, as Wendy can attest to after our trip to Amsterdam, listening to me gag every morning and after every meal is no treat for anyone.

After having a bunch of specialists look at me and diagnose gastritis, and chronic sinus infections, and a slipped disc, blah blah blah I decided I'd be better off looking for a more holistic approach, rather than treating my body like it's made up of separate organs/systems that have no influence or bearing on the others. And frankly, I think all these symptoms are *in my head* - not that I'm a hypochondriac, but that they can be attributed to stress, or a blocked qi, or some such thing - I'm not actually sick.   I think.

The process of finding this acupuncturist was...a process. It seemed a lot like dating: I got stood up once...and then someone knew someone that was perfect for me but they never hooked it up. I found Ms. DeJongh when a patron who likes to *overshare* showed me her cupping marks. Long story. Anyway, I was all like, bingo, my heart racing, thinking, could this be the one? And when I saw that her office was literally blocks from my apartment I thought - fate/kismet/destiny. Yeah, I know I'm a kook. It's only going to get worse.

She has free consultations, which is a bonus if you're not ready to commit (K, I'll drop the dating analogy, love you, bye-bye). When I went for my first appointment, I actually had no intention of trying acupuncture. I was hoping she'd have some super Chinese herbs that would spruce me up, but then I realized, I have got to really do something. Cause I feel like shit, all the time. The acupuncturist diagnoses you by listening to all your symptoms (who knew my excessive, old lady sighing was a symptom of something!), looking at your tongue, and taking your pulse at different spots.

My first treatment was today. The room was set up pretty much like a spa, all good smells and new age music and dim lighting; the table you lay on in your undies is a massage table. Personally, I jump at the chance to undress and pay people to touch and prod me. My maximum going rate for this type of activity is a dollar a minute. If I get it cheaper, kewl, but I won't pay more than that. Haircuts, manicures, massages, all fall under the legal-jollies-I-pay-for category. I would even put getting a dental cleaning in there, because I am not averse to a bit of pain, wink wink nudge nudge. Oh, I only undress when it's appropriate, I should clarify.

Soooooo...she actually did begin with a few minutes of massage, a bonus I was not expecting. She did cupping afterwards on my back, which felt like what you'd expect - getting eight marvelous hickeys from an overly amorous octopus.  The cups were cold, which I didn't expect, because I knew the acupuncturist uses heat to create a vacuum...but, anyway! She did needles on my back, then on my front; I spent about 15 minutes with the needles in, on each side. Only a few hurt going in, like in my wrists and tummy, but not so much that it bothered me...and most I didn't feel at all, or barely.

She did give me a bunch of Chinese herbs to take at home, which I am going to do religiously. It's twelve pills, three times a day. Luckily among my many talents is the ability to swallow pills by the handful. I won't say how I learned I have said talent.  Man, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right. It ain't cheap. But, if it works, I can't pay enough for it IMO. So, I don't feel much different right now, but I am doing a total of 6 sessions, so we'll see. And now, back to the trenches.

FYI The name is Dutch, if you're wondering. And the pills feel just like swallowing a handful of BB gun pellets.

Pickle Party

2010-07-12T07:55:00.000-07:00

Went to a Pickle Party at M&M's apartment. NO, it's not like hide-the-salami, it's merely a celebration of everything dill and fried. Fried pickles, onions, and mushrooms, and Wendy's homemade pickles. We skipped the pickle dirty martinis because, they taste terrible. To be honest. Saw the pictures that Monger, Mouse and Wendy took at Flugtag. They braved the heat and risked heat stroke for good times. I salute them as proud patriots. I was at work, but who knows for how long; unless you have your head firmly planted in the ground you've noticed that this county (and country, and world) is broke. Expect lots of reductions in service from your government agencies and please, try to be civil about it. We don't like cutting hours and laying off people either, we don't do it just to cramp your style. That is all.

Downtown

2010-07-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

True Story:
I had some training thingy downtown, and for lunch had some cheap pizza at a completely regrettable place I won't even dignify by naming. You'd have to wander pretty randomly to find it by chance so I won't worry you'll eat there by mistake...and if you do, it's culinary karma, what I can do about that? As much as I despise PC behavior, I found the owner's penchant for calling his delivery guy "Mejico" pretty damn offensive.

ANYwho, I took my leftovers to a nearby greenspace where the homeless were hanging and offered them to three different homeless folks, all of whom refused them. The story in all this (finally):

Me: "Hi, I have some leftover pizza from lunch, would you like to have it?"
Homeless Lady, turns to the imaginary person next to her and asks this empty spot to her right: "This girl wants to know if you want some pizza, do you?"
She paused a moment, and replied to me: "No, she doesn't want any pizza. Thank you."

On a somewhat related note, I hope I never become someone who won't eat a hot dog from a street vendor. Just saying.

Tarpon Bend in Fort Lauderdale

2010-06-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

I never had much interest in checking out Tarpon Bend in the Gables; whenever I drive by there at night it's always overflowing to the sidewalk with yuppies. Not my scene. I'm not crazy about bars that I need to *dress up* to or fight my way through crowds to get a drink, and I hate Miracle Mile anyway; no parking, ever, and you have to pay for it. I'm willing to drive much farther for free parking. And the ability to wear flip flops when I'm drinking a beer.

I went to the Tarpon Bend in Fort Lauderdale for lunch with GS. All I can say is, thank the baby Jesus for dropping people into my life who are: A. not vegetarians and B. pick-up truck owners and C. willing to do chick shit to make me happy. He really deserved that burger after taking me across two counties, looking for an elusive thrift store dresser that I've realized I won't find (though I did get my *landing strip* table, so the day wasn't a total loss).

I like hanging around in Ft. Lauderdale anyway, it's full of exotic whites with their quaint customs and charming accents and such. I want to make like an aborigine and run my fingers through their pale hair and over their fair skin. We both had burgers in the company of those poor, Godforsaken souls on their *lunch breaks*; me, not being on any kind of break at all and not even driving, had a couple of beers with my burger. I glory in those moments. In your face!

The burger was tall (I like them with everything you got, please, and thank you) and I had to employ the lady-like trick of cutting my burger into pieces to eat it. I'm not much of a lady, myself, but luckily have spent years observing them in their native environments. I don't know what they season their burgers with, but it's absolutely perfect. Whatever they use, I wish upon a partial lunar eclipse that every burger I eat for the rest of my life is seasoned just that way. Cooked perfectly medium rare, which is great because most times you get as much result for your request for a medium rare anything as you get for lighting a candle to Saint Anthony (still haven't found those sunglasses, my sanity, or my common sense). The fries were ok, but I didn't have much space for them. I'm not a fan of shoe string fries, anyway, there is a proper ratio of crunchy outsides to mealy insides that they don't meet.

A thoroughly excellent burger experience, and yes, I was wearing flip flops.

Adventures in Thriftlandia

2010-06-19T12:23:00.000-07:00

It's really great having like-minded friends. How many people like music festivals, camping, beer, thrifting, and pickles, as much as me? My friends, that's who. It's also nice having friends in the same line of work to talk about our jobs endlessly with; I refrain from talking about work too much with civilians because I'm sure it's boring as hell. (Note: true and revealing personal account follows): one day I prefaced a story I was telling my ex about work with the comment, "The most interesting thing happened at work today." Before I could continue he stated, deadpan, "I doubt it was at all interesting." Sometimes, but not often enough, he was pretty darn funny. I could completely sympathize with him. ANYway, I spent my day off with Lydia and Wendy, thrifting (we were later joined by Kitty). Is thrifting in the dictionary? Let me check...hmm, not listed in any authoritative source but it's getting there, I predict it. All right! Focus! Wendy took on the special role of map router-outer and navigator and planned out a full day of thrifting adventures in North Miami and Broward.

We started out at the Douglas Gardens Thrift Store on NW 27th Avenue. As I pulled into the parking lot I had several thoughts rapidly flit through my head: Hmmm, not a window in the place...it's really big...are there three cop cars in the parking lot?...man, I'm glad I'm not here alone. I parked by the cop cars (naturally) and we went inside. I'm looking for furniture today...and dresses, of course, I'm ordinately attracted to dresses. The place had some really good furniture finds and I decided that I need to borrow/bribe someone with a pick-up truck and come back to get a dresser...there is some solid ( real wood), sturdy, reasonably attractive in an pseudo/noveau antique-y way, furniture there. Especially if you feel up to refinishing furniture. The clothes sucked. The place is clean, smells fine, has approachable staff, and has something or the other on sale most times.

We then went to the Douglas Gardens on Hallandale, which I didn't like as much. Again, the clothes sucked. The furniture was reasonably decent, but not as nice as the other location; there was a really nice futon for sale there. Realizing the quality, appearance and price of the used furniture available, Wendy said she doesn't plan on buying new furniture ever again, and wished she had a big house to fill with thrift furniture finds. I agreed, stating it works if you if like an eclectic look (I said eclectic and Kitty mistakenly heard it as neglected, which was much wittier than I could have been). You can't go into these places hoping to closely match anything you may already have. I have that simple, espresso-colored, furniture trend that's so prevalent nowadays doing in my living room, and not much of what we found goes with that. Of course, not much doesn't mean nothing. That's a bit of foreshadowing for you :) The clothes thrift store is separated from the furniture thrift store by a sex shop; yes, the location is pretty seedy.

As we were heading to our next location we noticed a Goodwill, right down the road from Douglas Garden. It is the biggest Goodwill I've ever seen. Lydia said it looked like the Nordstrom of Goodwills. No furniture - all clothes, books, and random bric-a-brac and tchotchkes - very clean, well lit and good smelling inside, though it may have been a good smelling PERSON I was noticing. I didn't find anything but both Wendy and Lydia found some clothes.

By this time we were starving so we went to eat lunch at LaSpada's in Davie, based on the recommendation of the Paul and Young Ron Show (I get all of my news from them and from perezhilton.com, which creates a pretty skewed world vision). Just a sub (excuse me, hoagie) place but, sometimes, all you want is a sub. I mean, a hoagie. The trick to that place is that they slice the lunch meats fresh to order; it makes all the difference. I ate the whole damned thing, which reminded Wendy that her dad had said about me, approvingly, "that girl eats". That, I do.

We headed to Thriftarella's, our last stop, in Davie. Tiny place but packed with well-edited selections at very good prices. I finally had some luck here and found a West Elm-ish side table for $20 (color: Espresso!). Kitty got a great Mid-century lamp and a vintage travel case, Lydia got a Gremlins book/album and some awesome drink glasses ("Name your Poison") and Wendy got a puzzle and some Christmas lights...I may have missed something. This is a place worth returning to; the turnover is very fast and there are some terrific finds. We kept whispering to each other, "I love this place, I LOVE this place" as we passed each other. As if Ms. Thriftarella herself was going to raise prices under our noses due to our unseemly enthusiasm. It's worth going there just to meet her (Christine), she is pretty awesome in many respects. Now, all I need to do is find someone with a pick-up truck...

Mixed Nuts

2010-06-05T16:58:00.000-07:00

Went to that tiny little gem of a space Hoy Como Ayer to hear the Spam Allstars, the perennial Miami fusion band; I first heard them about 16 years ago and have heard them several times since. This without hardly trying, honestly, it's hard to get away from them. I feel like they're dutifully trotted out whenever Miami is trying to put on a respectable face. They are easy to enjoy even if a bit formulaic: you got your hip-hop, your Latin influence, and a turn table, and some dark-skinned Latin woman in a turban. After the professional Salsa dancers humbled us with their perfection and vacated the dance floor to us lesser mortals, we all got up to dance, to the best of our abilities. If anyone is able to resist Latin music without wiggling, they have to have no soul whatsoever. There was even an Asian dude, dutifully dancing away with his girl. I get the feeling the place is no longer *cool* (as if I am) but no matter, I had a good time and for once was one of the youngest people there. *Smile*

Visited the Habitat for Humanity ReStore because I've finally caught the decorating bug and need just about everything. Wow, that was ghetto: the location, the store, everything. Thank God for my GPS. I'd hate to drive around aimlessly in that hood. It was a complete bust and all I could think was, imagine how awesome the ReStore in Seattle probably is. Just looking through Craigslist in a decent city makes me weep.

I'm doing this Ultimate Detox & Cleanse because I enjoy making things difficult for myself, apparently. I really have been feeling rather toxic, lately...

Memorial Day Weekend

2010-05-31T19:34:00.000-07:00

Spent most of Memorial Day weekend with Wendy's family in Lake Placid. Lots of sunning, floating in the lake, BBQ, cheap beer, and cracker stories. It's as if they welcome every calamity for its storytelling possibilities. Even passing a kidney stone becomes a twenty-minute, hilarious story. And that accent! All we could hear was, "They took our jobs! Tertukadoo!" The pace is so relaxed and people really understand the value of just hanging out and talking.

Went to Moonchine on Friday for Happy Hour, where Allegra and I got shafted on their pricing and blew our budget by eight o'clock. Then to Harvey's for a cheap beer and a free shot of something nasty, then I met up with some people at News Cafe. We left there for a place called Bardot. Freaking pretentious! From the cigar wielding Ruths and Sarahs, to the Replicants, to the self conscious modelslashbartenders, to the pornographic/crappy art (I don't know anything about art but even I could tell it sucked), it was all hilarious. We took up prime real estate by the bar and refused to yield, even when the place became pretty packed. I need never go there again, thank you very much.

In contrast, my night at Transit Lounge the day before was so much better. The place looks better, the crowd is so much more (relatively) normal, no damn cover, reasonable beer prices...and the Colombian band (Afro Kumbe) that was playing was light years better than the jazz tards (Ketchy Shuby? WTF kind of name is that for a band?) playing at Bardot's. They were tight, man. That's my judgment, and I stand by it. All in all, I was pretty merciless on my liver this weekend.

El Chaman & La Rostiseria & Bangkok City

2010-05-18T10:43:00.000-07:00

I was fairly successful in filling up my dance card this weekend; I hate having free time because I might get bored, and start thinking, or feeling, or cleaning my apartment...never a good idea. I decided to shamelessly indulge myself with a good lunch on Friday, so I checked out a place my brother recommended, El Chaman. The name alone is enough to recommend the place. Well, I got a sinking feeling when I walked into the restaurant because there were cloth napkins on the table and all sorts of glassware and art on the walls...I can't afford ambiance. Luckily the prices seemed about average, so I had some delicious fish ceviche and some Peruvian beer the waitress recommended. I loved the waitress because she: 1. expressed a definite opinion when asked, 2. didn't make me feel like a loser because I was eating alone, and 3. sang along to the lounge-y type music playing - a female, swingy adaptation of Beatles songs. Everything was fine except for the tip being included...really, for someone dining alone? I could understand with a big party but, whatever.

I went to the mall with mom on Saturday and we ate at the food court. Seriously, what's with all those women hawking bits of chicken at every other food stall? I feel like I'm being attacked by kids selling Chiclets in Mexico for God's sake. I did go for chicken, but not for that sweet, glazed chicken crap (I really don't like sweet food very much). I had roast chicken, cucumber and tomato salad, and mashed potatoes at La Rostiseria. I don't know which restaurant started off with that fine ass rotisserie chicken but I do thank the culinary gods for it. I have stolen bits of Publix rotisserie chicken, cold, out of people's refrigerators before. And, it does seem *healthy*. For what it's worth.

Restaurants need to stop diversifying and need to specialize. If I had a restaurant, the menu would offer like 4 choices: vegetarian/vegan, meat, fish, chicken. You either like what I'm serving, or eat somewhere else. I can't resist ordering sushi if it's on the menu, but if the restaurant is really going to concentrate on doing something else well, then don't serve sushi!

I had the lunch special at Bangkok City with the bad kids from work (the ones that sit in the back row, you know which ones I'm talking about) and ordered their sushi. Well, at least it wasn't expensive...but it was so lame! The fish had this watery consistency and taste, like it's been frozen and defrosted and frozen and...sadly disappointing. The Hot and Sour Soup was just all wrong. And it had baby corn. If I never eat baby corn again, I could possibly live a happy life. What kind of mutated, ridiculous, foul ingredient is that? The texture, God. And the taste. Insipid. One of my coworkers had the Nam Sod and let me try a bite...now, THAT was pretty good. The lime-y, fish sauce-y, and ginger-y sauce was very good on what is basically a meat salad. It looks pretty easy to make, too...

Oh, and I'd like to give a shout out to Valentine's baking skills, especially to my impromptu birthday lemon- coconut-fig (I think) cake...she'll make someone a great wife, someday ;)

One Day Wonder Cleanse and Monkey Joe's

2010-05-09T06:24:00.000-07:00

I thought it was fate that I had most of the things I needed on hand for the One Day Wonder Cleanse thanks to Annie's. I've been intrigued by the idea of a cleanse lately, probably because I'm impressed by people who are dedicated enough or maniacal enough to follow some insane, restrictive regiment such as the Master Cleanse. Ten days of spicy lemonade. Huh. Yeah. Anyway, I definitely think it's true that people eat too much in general, and a day of fasting or cleansing weekly is a good idea.

I am happy to report that I did follow the plan exactly. Ended up drinking only water from 4pm on, even though I had a children's birthday party to go to with my son. I somehow heroically resisted birthday cake and pizza. Ah, willpower. I did end up dreaming that night that I had cheated (and it was only one day!) with a bit of delicious pizza crust and woke up feeling all ache-y all over, which I guess is my normal reaction to any kind of detox. I felt like that after the Russian baths, though, it may have been from the force of 500 pounds of water smashing into my shoulders. I sometimes wish I would wake up with a professional chef in my bed, other times a hair stylist, but this morning I wished I had a massage therapist in my bed. Guess I didn't drink enough water, that's what *they* always say, drink water. Flush it out. Whatever *it* is. A mom from yesterday's party told me about 21 pounds in 21 days, a detox diet book. Ach mein Gott that thing is hard core. You are supposed to give yourself enemas. Weeeellll, I'll check it out from the library and consider it, but don't expect me to report how an enema goes.

Anyway, the party yesterday was at a place called Monkey Joe's. It was all the way by Sawgrass, which is quite a trek, but when I got there, I understood the wisdom of the choice of venue. Hell for adults, heaven for kids. It's basically an enormous room filled with a bunch of hugemongous bounce houses. The noise level in there hits you like a blunt object on the back of the head - just a bunch of insanely happy, screaming little kids throwing themselves off rubber surfaces. Make any analogy you wish. The party included pizza, cake, goody bags, drinks, and yes, a visit from Mr. Monkey Joe himself! The birthday boy was far too sophisticated to react to a six foot purple monkey, but I shuddered, thinking, this is the stuff nightmares or phobias are made of. Luckily I was too hungry to think of much else.

My son said it was the best day of his life, and I believe him.

La Moon

2010-05-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

If La Moon is good enough for Man v. Food, it's good enough for me. Even though both my parents are Colombian, I rarely eat Colombian food. In fact, all I really associate with the country are roses and cocaine, I don't know what they actually eat there. Apparently, if it didn't originally have feet and eyes, it's not food. And if the grease doesn't make your food slippery enough, they will put multiple sauces on your food to ensure you make a mess of yourself. In other words, it was pretty great. I can imagine it's pure heaven at 5am after a late night of drinking and what have you. Valetine, Allegra and I were drunk on exhaustion after a long day at a work thing on Saturday. In fact, I'm still feeling the after effects of that day today. A beach BBQ at Key Biscayne on Sunday was not the ideal way to recuperate, I suppose.

Thrifting

2010-04-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

Ever since I was a little punk girl I've loved thrifting. At the time I was into granny cardigans, men's jeans, and vintage dresses...and, nothing's changed. I love that I can get 4 or 5 things for $20. You already know how the piece will stand up to wear and washing because, it's been worn and washed already (ideally). It's good for the environment, if you care about those kind of things. And, you'll find stuff that probably no one else has. I find it difficult to resist the siren song of a thrift store if I drive by one...and I'm blessed to have friends who have the same peculiar tastes and interests that I do.

I'm wearing such a pretty dress today! that I got to cheer myself up after some soul-draining work event at a Goodwill on 97th Avenue and 8th Street SW. I go to this store all the time, and it's the first time I've bought anything there. That's another great thing about thrifting: it's all about luck. You can have great success at a certain store one day, and never find anything good there again. It's pretty addictive. Of course, sometimes a fight breaks out (true story) and you decide you're better off just dumping what you've picked up and leaving before the cops come.

La Sandwicherie

2010-04-26T10:06:00.000-07:00

Or as I like to say it, La Sangwicherie. Ok, ok, private joke.

It's a great day when I'm focused enough to listen to my body, hear what it's craving for, and then can give it exactly what it wants. I wanted a cold sub on my last day off, and, of course, the best cold subs are from La Sandwicherie in South Beach. Just like how the special sauce at Sarussi "makes" their sandwiches, the french vinaigrette they use at La Sandwicherie makes their sandwiches the ne plus ultra. Careful, guys. Only God can be perfect...you'd better put some cornichons on mine to not incur any divine wrath on your heads.

It's only a outdoor counter, and a smallish one at that. There is no parking, and, very likely, no seats available. There is a water misting fan that may or may not be on when you are there. Still...the food is the perfect antidote to a hot, sun-baked day at the beach. Watching those sandwiches being made is mesmerizing (I envision Mr. Sandwich-maker-guy with a salad shooter in his hip holster). My friend is one of those people who live on steamed broccoli and brown rice (and occasionally spends a day just absorbing moisture from the air, like an air plant), and I just assumed we'd be taking half his sandwich (and half of mine, cursed femininity) home...damn if he didn't eat the whole thing, so that gave me free rein to stuff myself.

Wanee 2010 & Steak 'n Shake & Sushi Chef

2010-04-22T08:35:00.000-07:00

Bad vibes at Wanee 2010, man. It was like living in Bartertown with too much beer, too few women...and to add insult to injury, Wendy's hammock got stolen. Some other victim posted a sign: Stealing a hammock is bad karma. Indeed. Where's the love??? At the very least, I got a new Facebook profile picture out of it.

After we left Wanee I was dying for a burger. With onions. We went to Steak 'n Shake because you can get a burger at 10am there. Seriously, breakfast menu? Screw off, I'm an AMERICAN, and AMERICANS sometimes want a burger before 11am, and damn it all, as an AMERICAN I demand all my needs, wants and desires to be fulfilled instantly. So, since God is an AMERICAN, he created Steak 'n Shake. It's no In 'n Out but, since we all can't live in that glorious paradise on earth called the West Coast, it will have to do. It's not death row food, but it is release from captivity food. I may or may not be speaking from personal experience. I may or may not have kissed the asphalt of the parking lot at the Gainesville Steak 'n Shake in a past life.

That menu is crazy! Chili on spaghetti. Chili on everything. And, Kool Aid milkshakes! I forgive Evil G's heresy of ordering that mutt of a burger, with guacamole on it, because she likes weird things to eat. I mean, she ate tuna stuffed olives at Wanee. I still love 'er. Wendy and I went the more traditional role of double burgers with cheese and, just everything, put everything you got, on it. Then, Wendy topped it off with boiled peanuts from the nearby fruit stand. She fills me with patriotic pride.

My neighborhood is great for tapas but is lacking in sushi. Sure, I took the proximity to work and my son's school into consideration when I moved, but obviously I forgot to think of this key element. The closest place is Sushi Chef, a kind of run down, unspectacular looking place in a strip mall on Coral Way. I finally stopped in there for a menu and man, that is some sexy reading. The sake selection is pretty extensive (if you like that kind of thing) and I can't figure out what half of the stuff on the menu even is. It's a mystery slash adventure! Luckily the in-restaurant menu has lots of pretty pictures that at least give you an idea of what you're getting yourself into.

I had a spicy tuna roll that, though it wasn't amazing, it certainly was interesting. A ton of spicy mayo. Clever little sushi chef. You madman, you. Though I didn't love it, and won't order it again, I certainly liked your coy take on my old standby and respect your inventiveness. The spicy salmon tartar was another story. I wish I could chew long and take smaller bites. Yes, that dish and I will meet again, no one night stand there.

Sarussi Cafeteria and Captain Jim's Seafood

2010-04-08T14:11:00.000-07:00

Ok, so you've gone and done it, and now so-and-so is lying on a cold slab and you're awaiting execution. What's on your mind? Forgiveness? The afterlife? No, of course not. You're thinking about what delicious aftertaste you want lingering in your mouth as they flip the switch and you pass into the, uh, afterlife. I do hope they serve beer in hell, but I'm sure the menu is rather limited. Well, I am very indecisive so I've planned this out carefully in case I ever find myself in this situation.

One of my death row meal items is a frita from Rey de la Fritas, and the other is an original sandwich from Sarussi Cafeteria. Apparently there are other delicious things on the menu, such as the churrasco sandwich, but I wouldn't know...I love the original too much to be led astray. I went with a bunch of lucky, lucky coworkers after some meeting and we had lunch at the Sarussi on 107th Avenue and 8th Street Southwest. Oh Em Gee, the smell alone when we walked in made my stomach drop in lustful anticipation. We all had either the churrasco or the original, on separate checks which the waitress handled like a pro. I mean, it improves her overall tip, doncha think? Ok, stop thinking, start eating.

Well, it was fricking awesome, what do you think? I harassed my two Sarussi-virgin coworkers repeatedly for their opinion, and they assured me it was the best thing ever and that the day they befriended me was the best day ever. Of course. The perfect alchemy of pig product, special mystery sauce, toasted, lightly greased bread, cheese, and pickles. I don't have many fond childhood memories, but I do remember going to the beach during the summer (it felt like we would go everyday but I'm sure I'm remembering that incorrectly). My family would pick up a few sandwiches from Sarussi, along with a bunch of Chek soda (back then they sold them singly and it was sooo exciting to pick my flavor lol) and we would eat lunch on the beach after working up one of those ferocious, beach-induced hungers. The taste of those sandwiches was somehow enhanced by the crunch of the sand that would work its way in.

I went to Captain Jim's Seafood to indulge in the perfect sensual experience of eating a plate of raw oysters. I was so looking forward to it and so hyping it up that by the time we got there...well, it's a mistake to look forward to anything so much. Don't get me wrong, everything was still the same and the service was fine and the oysters were great but somehow food tastes better when you are not expecting it to blow you away. I had the shrimp cocktail as well, which seemed a bit tough. My friend had the fried conch sandwich and hush puppies, which were more than respectable, even reheated the next day. But the experience fell flat, don't know why. I really don't care for breaded, deep-fried food, that's for certain. Oh, well, we'll always have sushi. Even the cheap ass sushi in a place like Iron Sushi on Miami Beach is just fine, thanks.

Taco Bell, Sushi-Thai on the Beach and Titanic

2010-04-03T11:25:00.000-07:00

Ah...the fourth meal. Beloved savior of those in the throes of late night munchies. The concept has been around forever, but Taco Bell was genius enough to recognize their position in the food chain and capitalize on it. You got to love Mexicans and their contributions to American decadence and overindulgence: Taco Bell. Tequila. Corona. Tijuana. And their ingenuity! The things they came up with, with just a handful of ingredients. I went to one after a night at Harvey's, realizing (well, Allegra realized for me) that I didn't have time for a proper meal. I rather belligerently stated, repeatedly (may have been the Yuengling talking) that I was hungry...so I got five bucks worth of Taco Hell, which is quite a LOT of food...and then put it away for dinner the next day after just a couple of bites.

Went to Sushi-Thai on the Beach on the Hollywood boardwalk. The place is shabby and run down but it has the ubiquitous deferential Thai (?) staff that I so adore, and one of those horribly extensive menus that is the bane of my existence. Those menus are why I often look at the restaurant's website in advance and choose what I want, so I don't feel like I'm driving my dinner companions or waiter mad with my indecisiveness. I already knew, for instance, that I was getting Tuna Rock, which is chopped raw tuna with tempura flakes, avocado, cucumber, sesame oil, masago, scallion, and spicy mayo. These are a few of my favorite things...I get this kind of thing wherever it's offered, in its various forms and permutations. I think it's pretty much my favorite dish. We also got one of those crazy sushi boats for two. So much sushi we had leftovers, if you can believe that. I smiled, frequently, during that meal. It's my barometer for how tasty things are and how happy my tummy is.

Last night a large group of us gathered at Titanic Brewery and Restaurant to check out Wendy's friends' band. Formerly, Falaz, currently-??? The bar is right by the University of Miami campus but it lacks that sketchy college bar feel like you get in real college towns. It has pretentions that don't fall quite short; it lacks imagination in decor and menu but it's certainly not offensive in any way. I just got one beer (I know, I know), their Triple Screw Light Ale, and their ceviche. The beer is ok, I guess...I'm not a connoisseur, but at least it's cheap at $4 at mug. It was a mistake to order a dish I like as much as ceviche in a place like that; it wasn't terrible but it was certainly kind of pathetic. I'm pretty certain all the food at that place is like that. Food intuition. A place like is only as good as the company you're keeping, and luckily I was in some of the best...had to cut the night short to get up early for work today, though. Didn't even get to hear the band! :(

Paris/Amsterdam - March 18 & 19

2010-03-22T13:50:00.000-07:00

We went to the Waterlooplein Flea Market which was awesome! Just what I was hoping for. Not too big, so you can walk the whole thing and get an idea of prices before buying. Cute hippie stuff. And a frites stand frying them to order. I heart Waterlooplein!

Wendy and I bought some fabulous skirts that will be the envy of all at the next music fest, and incense, and pillow case covers, and a tapestry...a bunch of stuff. Mata got a ring and something for mum. It was just a great variety of things for sale at pretty good prices.

After the market we caught the New Amsterdam Free Walking Tour (yup, same company does both). We didn't enjoy our tour guide in Amsterdam, Mason, as much as we liked our Paris one, Alex. Mason seemed a bit condescending, especially to the others, and pretty darn hung over. To be expected, I guess. As we walked the city I noticed how few windows had curtains, and you could look into people's homes...and what a great sense of design people employed in decorating their homes. More beauty, everywhere you looked, but funkier, rather than classic like Paris. And cats, everywhere! If you're into that kind of thing :)

After the tour we headed back to the Satellite Sports Cafe, if you can believe that. We became regulars, sort of! That night we had some apple flavored tobacco in a hookah at our local bar, Wonder Bar.

We left late to the airport the morning of departure, and through assorted delays and mishaps (don't let your travel agent say it doesn't matter that your name is slightly misspelled, because it does) we ran through the airport and made it onto the plane about 20 minutes before takeoff. The flight was overbooked but after a few tense moments we all got seats, and then the rest was easy sailing.

At home I really noticed how there is so much empty space, just a really inefficient use of space. And everything seemed so baked and dull. Oh, well, it's home. My apartment was delish to return to. Went to Home Depot and blew some of the money I didn't spend in Europe on some plants, herbs and such. My balcony is not too sunny but I'm hoping they'll do all right. I planted herbs instead of flowers because, if I'm going to take care of plants, they'd better earn their keep!

Paris/Amsterdam - March 16 & 17

2010-03-22T13:21:00.000-07:00

The 16th was a travel day, from Paris to Amsterdam. On our last walk around the Paris hood we stopped in a French Hallmark type store where the shop owner had her English bulldog with her - eating a baguette! So cute! We did some last minute shopping at the Paris airport (surprisingly, we did little shopping in Paris and actually all came in under budget for spending money on this trip) and tried some Chicken and Thyme flavored chips and Bolognese ones. Those crazy Europeans! The in-flight safety video British Airways plays was very well done and informative...we actually learned something! Kudos to the Brits!

We got the I Amsterdam card at the airport, which gives you free public transportation and free admission to many museums. Again, we used the hell out of the free public transportation feature, at least. We had some quaint notion that we would be walking less in Amsterdam, since the trams are so convenient. Well, they are but only once we figured some things out...and some things we were still figuring out the day we left. The bus driver (*Note: when leaving the airport, take the 195 bus to Lelylaan tram station) took the opportunity to give us his opinion on the Moslem immigrants to Amsterdam. I say, no comment.

We dropped Yoli and Z at their hotel, then walked to ours. With our backpacks. Because someone told us it was a fifteen minute walk. It may have actually been only fifteen minutes, but time is relative when you are carrying a heavy pack on your back. We did get to see the mini Red Light District right in our own neighborhood. How convenient. We met up with the girls for a quick dinner at one of the many falafel places in the city. I really liked how "fast food" there is prepared to order. Thank goodness for all the exercise they get there, cause everything is fried. But good, if not authentic Dutch food. I had Shorma, which included meat carved off a huge hunk impaled on the counter (goat?) and was slathered in some tasty creamy garlic sauce.

The next day we very self righteously got up early and headed over to the museums, the Rijksmuseum and the Van Gogh museum (free admission with the I Amsterdam card). We then ended up at an Ach Emm near a sport bar; I had more success in the store this time, and we ate lunch at the Satellite Sports Cafe. Hey, we didn't name it. I had spaghetti with Bolognese sauce (there's a trend, there) cause I was craving carbs and we had beer...we really just loved the place, and didn't want to move, ever. Funny how at home I want to split as soon as I eat but on my trip, I just wanted to sit around and veg after my meal. How very civilized of me. We loved our waiter (holla!) who was charming us with his ready wink until we realized it was most likely a facial tic. We never win lol Awesome fact: the drinking age for soft liquor is 16 and up, and for hard liquor is 18 and up.

So, Amsterdam. For some reason, the city makes me wonder about statistics. It's just so extreme, here. Bicycles everywhere (nearly 30 percent of all commuters travel exclusively by bicycle) makes me think, what's the average commute time? You see almost no children - what's the population growth rate? Crossing the street is insanely dangerous - how often are there accidents? So many people, milling about, at all hours - what's the unemployment rate? The smell of pot everywhere and people drinking beer on the street, on trams, boats - what's the rate of addiction? In the Red Light District I wondered, who the hell actually does that? In a purely practical sense, paying 50 Euro for 15 minutes, and you have to undress, shower, get hard, cum, and be ready to go in that time...I'd rather jerk off, I think. The food - how much heart disease is there? I mean, they have chocolate sprinkles for toast!

We did a free canal tour that was part of the I Amsterdam package, then went to the Red Light District, and were more impressed by the swans than the hookers. We ate at New York Pizza and Wok to Walk. Pretty self evident meal choices.

Nice full day! We definitely made better use of time in Amsterdam.

Paris/Amsterdam trip - March 14 & 15

2010-03-22T08:34:00.000-07:00

The free breakfast at the hotel was glorious! So good we snuck Yoli and Z in to have it :) They had a traditional English breakfast, fruit, a bunch of pastries, breads and croissants, cereal, cured meats, cheese (fancy ones!), coffee, espresso...and the stewed tomatoes was one of the best things I've ever put in my mouth. I ate breakfast super early after finishing up on the Internet, then went back to sleep...we all slept until 10am, and we missed the 11am New Paris free walking tour. This pretty much threw our whole day off. We got to the site where the tour meets, hoping to catch Yoli and Z...all we saw was what appeared to be the tour group, off in the distance. So we walk-ran to catch up, and after fifteen sweaty minutes gave up. We took the 1pm tour instead, and it was great. History in snack form.

It was a Sunday so pretty much everything was closed. We tried to find an H&M (which the French call, "ach emm") but nada. Or, rien. We headed back to the hotel; I got a ton of smokes at a tabac nearby and we got dinner and a couple six packs of French Beer, 1664 and something else, at the grocery store. We hung out in the hotel, drinking and eating, and slept like babies.

The next day we determinedly got up via wake-up call and went to the Pere Lachaise Cemetery, where Jim Morrison is buried. We saw his grave and I got a new Facebook profile picture; I don't know which of the two is more important. We then headed over to a French Flea Market, Marche aux Puces de Saint-Ouen, which was a total bust. The affordable part resembled Hialeah, and the rest was an expensive antiques market. More metro trips led us to the Moulin Rouge, which we weakly photographed and then got back onto the Metro. God, we used the hell out of that metro card. Definitely a good value.

Tired. Tired. Taking pictures of outsides was all we could manage, being tired and cheap. We went to a lot of places in Paris, just not in them. At least we were all in agreement that, that was the way to go.

Wendy had a boot mishap and Mata was suffering in her shoes so we went to the mall to get sneakers for the two of them. There we saw an Ach Emm but it was a bust, extremely picked over and busy. I got nuthin', and shock waves ran through the earth as a result.

We ate dinner at a French Friday's called Hippopotamus (Hippo, if you're down like that). Apparently well-done meat is unheard of in France. There was a blood bath on Mata's plate by the time she was finished, and Wendy had to send hers back...not that it came back any more cooked, just more charred on the outside. It's as if they cook with blow torches.

We began our love affair with frite sauce in Paris and it continued through to Amsterdam. It's either mayo, or flavored mayo, that you eat with fries, and it was the thing to do in both places. If you want to know how this tastes, just come by any of our homes for a bit of authentic frite sauce we bought in Amsterdam and yes, carried all the way home.

Paris/Amsterdam trip - March 12 & 13

2010-03-22T07:36:00.000-07:00

We are here! Here being, the Holiday Inn - Bastille, bitches! Man, French keyboards are crazy! They move just a few crucial keys enough to make you think you've lost your mind. Anywho, Wendy, Mata and I got to the airport rushing but the flight was delayed, anyway; we ended up leaving at 6:30pm instead of 5:15pm. The good part is that it shortened our layover in NY to almost nothing. There was a cute group of French teenagers with a flight delay, sleeping in a pile on the floor like puppies. Actually, we'd be there at MIA still, lying on the floor reading, if Wendy hadn't had the smarts to check and see if the gate had been changed. The crappy Delta flight to NY's LaGuardia airport was both lame and sad, as can be expected (doll-sized portions of pretzels, peanuts or biscotti - I hardly fly and it's exactly what I got last time) but dinner on the Air France flight from NY to Paris's Charles De Gaulle airport was something else - the menu (ahem):

Salmon with couscous
Chicken fricasse with herbed mashed potato
Cheese
Bread
Raspberry orange cake
Rice pudding

By far the best airplane food I've ever had. You hear the French take food seriously, but when you are there you really see it...take their school lunches, for instance...

The airport in Paris was deserted and we walked right through...I still think we missed an immigration step somewhere but, oh wells! Someone left a big, silver, men's ring at the security checkout which I promptly co-opted, thinking it was some kind of omen. As I put it on I imagined that it was the symbol of membership in some secret, arcane group and some crazy adventure would befall us because I was wearing it a la Da Vinci Code but so far, nothing.

After a minor SNAFU (the first of many involving public transportation) where I kept trying to put my receipt instead of the train ticket in the gate until the first of many nice French people helped me out, we got to the hotel. The room was tres chic but we were a trifle bemused, wondering how the three of us were going to sleep in the not-so-big bed, when Wendy discovered the Murphy bed: I promptly claimed it since I have a debilitating inability to sleep near other people. Mata's friends Yoli and Z met us at our hotel.

Then we started walking. We saw the Notre Dame as the sun was setting (we got to our hotel room at 4:30pm so we started late) and then the Eiffel Tower at night; Hmmm..I expected it to be bigger. We ate dinner at a cute cafe, the Salle au 1er, that we selected after extensive research: we were hungry, it was the first place we saw, and it was cheap. The place had a prix fixe menu, a three course meal for 8.50€. I had the Pate de Compagne (it was pork liver, haters), Steak Grille, and Mousse Chocolate. By far the best part was the appetizers; I never get to have pate and Wendy loved her green soup and finished Yoli's. The smidgen of steak was nonspectacular, the fries indifferent, the vegetables overcooked but flavorful. The chocolate mousse redeemed the adequate dinner but I can't complain; I spend more than that on lunch all the time.

Got back to our hotel room a little before eleven. We tried to grab a six pack of sucky French beer but the market didn't sell beer after nine (Sad face! Sad face!) A lot of people speak English but a lot don't, of course, and communicating complex thoughts is tough (Not, can I have a cigarette, or, where is the closest place to purchase cigarettes but, what is the cheapest place to buy the several packs of cigarettes I have been commissioned to bring back home?) We did good, we only spent 49€ our first day, and 28.50€ was for train passes and fares. *Note: buy your multi day train pass at the airport!

We got to the room and promptly passed out...then I got up at 5am and came down to the Internets to let the others sleep. I am getting sleepy again, though...then, free breakfast at the hotel and our new day begins. I hope to catch a walking tour today, and go to the flea market (why else did I come lol), the Champs Elysse, the catacombs, the cementery where Jim Morrison is buried, anf hopefully get to H&M (it's not really an option).

The weather at night is pretty chilly but the days are completely doable...and everything, everything, is absolutely gorgeous: the buildings, the winter-bare trees, the clothes, the signs...everything. It's impossible to choose particular sights to photograph. Every step and every view is equally lovely, from the impressive cathedrals to the charming bakery displays. Everything is touched by a graceful hand. Spring here with everything in bloom must be spectacular.

Lime Fresh Mexican Grill

2010-03-10T12:22:00.000-08:00

I can't concentrate, the Lime Fresh Mexican Grill website is playing that Black Eyed Peas song I like so much, Boom Boom Pow. I was going to be pretty hard on them but now, I've lightened up. Such is the power of palatable packaging for your product. Anyway... ate lunch there with the beach crew. Had a veggie quesadilla. It was ok, but, anything that tastes like I could have made it (and may have made better) is no great shakes. The predominant taste was hardly cooked onion. The good part is that the food for four people was just under $40. It is a pretty spot to have lunch; it's got covered outdoor seating that is bearable even during the summer, and really polite staff. My favorite part of eating there is their salsa bar. Their salsa verde is awesome, and I could eat their pico de gallo with a spoon. And I do. Oh, and I love their Corona salt and pepper shakers...Wait, let me restart the song...

Ok, went to the Asian Culture Festival at the Fruit and Spice Park in Homestead. Let me start by saying that there is no reason whatsoever to go to this park unless there is a festival going on. Unless you're an amateur botanist or something. And, there's no reason to go to the Asian Culture Fest unless you want to eat. But if you do, then, by all means...I was kind of broke so I just had Thai iced bubble tea and Thai donuts. Thai donuts are the culinary equivalent of holding a freshly bathed infant: soft, sweet, indescribably delicious, all the way down to your bones...Evil G had some pad thai and JC just stuck to beer-Chang-which wasn't as awful as some Asian beers are and had really cute bottle caps with elephants on them...which we saved for the Beer Christmas collection. The line at the coconut puffs stand was super long; wish I'd tried them. There was really just a huge selection of food choices there, definitely the best food court I've ever seen. The stands selling little trinkets and such also had very nice choices to blow your dollars on. I got my very first plant for my balcony, a red romaine lettuce. I prefer to grow plants that earn their keep, ya know? I think the highlight was the cute little girl singing this, karaoke, which totally outshone the original version. Love! love, love...

Leaving on my trip in two days!

Lifefood Gourmet

2010-03-06T10:48:00.000-08:00

One great thing about not living in the boondocks (like Kendall or Westchester, otherwise known as Suburbia) is that you are within walking distance of at least some shops and restaurants. It's green, it's healthy, and I really just like taking a walk. Went to Lifefood Gourmet with JC for lunch yesterday. I led us on a zigzag path through the back streets of the Silver Bluff area...to admire the homes and extend the walk, and also because I got a wee bit lost. Only I can get lost 6 blocks from my apartment. The first thing we noticed in the restaurant was the smell: I hated it, and he loved it. I guess all vegetarian places smell alike, like curry; the place smelled just like Om Garden, but that was all they had in common. Om Garden is all crunchy granola hippie (I don't think they even air condition the place) while Lifefood Gourmet is a bit more fancy pants.

I had the Nori Roll and JC had the Save the Seas sandwich. I was disappointed that they didn't have the mock tuna listed in the menu in his sandwich (the waitress, who patiently answered my multiple questions, said they don't make it anymore). I was curious to see what sorry, bastardized mockery of fish those nutty vegetarians would come up with. My lunch was, I think, better than his. He basically had a very pretty vegetable sandwich while my roll had a little more going on with its yummers Thai Ginger dressing. The presentation was lovely (I had to send a picture to Allegra, Evil G, and Lydia) but that's to be expected; what else do hippies have but time? Lifefood Gourmet is organic, raw, and vegetarian. If that's what you are looking for in a meal, it's a good choice. It's a bit pricey for lunch (both our meals were $40 with tip) but for a special treat it's a good idea. I won't be in a huge hurry to go back, but, I did save on gas!

At night I invited myself over to Lydia and Monger's place for delicious homemade vegetarian lasagna. It was Lydia's first try and it was awesome! We saw some comedy thingies, the best by far being Louis CK. That is some funny shit, especially if you're a parent...you can totally relate.

Had a unreal day Thursday at work (I was all alone for several hours, for starters) so I decided to treat myself to lunch at this hoity toity Asian restaurant across the street, Origin Asian Bistro & Sushi. Yes, another treat, yes, another overpriced lunch. I just can't make my tummy behave!

I had their Spicy Tuna Tartar and a JB roll. Twenty dollars later, I was left full but unimpressed. The tuna tartar now ranks number one for the worst I've had. It was just avocado, tuna, and some spicy mayo, stirred together...the chef thought I wouldn't notice he snuck the browning avocado in there, but I did, oh, I did. It wasn't awful, but it was a dish made without love. The JB roll was actually pretty good. It seemed to have a pearl sushi rice in it, if that exists; the grains were tiny, and it gave the rolls a very pretty and elegant translucence. For some reason, the soy sauce seemed the saltiest I've ever had. I had to dip just the tiniest corner of the roll in it or it was mouth puckering.

I have a theory that the restaurants on Key Biscayne tend to not be all that great since they don't really have to be; people would rather stay on the Key for their meals and take advantage of the fact that you can reach everything on foot. There isn't really any competition. I overheard some patrons here talking about the place, and saying that the service sucks lately...anyway, the temptation to go back anytime soon is not great.

Soooo...in six days I'm going to Paris and Amsterdam! With Wendy, and Mata, and two of Mata's friends...I will have so much to write about!

Sushi Maki and assorted nuts

2010-02-22T07:58:00.000-08:00

Last Friday was one of those disastrous days when not only do you not accomplish anything you set out to do, but everything goes wrong. Every gray hair I have I can directly attribute to my son. Well, my ex-husband is probably responsible for a few. After a midday nap to forget my craptastic day, I went over to Wendy's apartment with Evil G. We made pizza and picked up some rolls from Sushi Maki in Sunset, and washed down the whole mess with the Passion Fruit and Guava wines from Schnebly Redland's Winery my mom got for Christmas and donated to the cause. The pizza dough was definitely something I'd use again-I like my pizza extra vegetable-y and I'm too cheap to pay for it. And those vacuum sealed containers are so fun and retro American to open...where's my oil cloth apron when I need it? I just had a piece from the JB roll and California roll Evil G bought but it was soooo good...I swear, sushi turns me on. Just saying. The wine I found too sweet - the guava I liked better than the passion fruit. We revisited Swingers and I swear we didn't even crack a smile until the last three minutes of the movie. It did NOT age well. I kept waiting for the dancing, and there was a lot less of it than I remembered.

Saturday night I went to Tobacco Road to see Juke play. Man, I loves me some harmonica. And, isn't every man that much hotter when when he's got tattoo sleeves? Midway through their set the lead singer was fumbling for a light and I walked up to give him my lighter...oh, no, you keep it, honey. Sigh. I think I should go there more often; it's one of the few places I've been to lately that feels age appropriate. I've always wanted to try their midnight steak dinner, too. Oh, and to the woman having that awesome time dancing? Yeah, dance like no one is watching but please, never, never, tuck your blouse into your shiny black American Apparel leggings again. We pregamed at my apartment before heading out, and I got Sam Adams Coastal Wheat and Shock Top. Yeah, I know it's not very hard core of me but I really prefer Belgium Wheats...I didn't like the Sam Adams at all, it seemed very flat and tasteless...I've had Shock Top before (Harvey's has it on tap) and I like it. As an aside, my recycling bin has an embarassing amount of alchol containers in it...does being green make up for being a drunk? After Tobacco Road we got some pizza at Casola's, which is a Miami institution for late night drunken munchies. I swear, that must be one of the worst things ever - working the late night shift at Casola's on a weekend. I can't imagine how many people have puked in that parking lot.

Sunday I went to the Greek Festival at St. Sophia Greek Orthodox Cathedral. I'm not really sure why. Such a pretty church! I think one of my all time favorite smells, besides Sharpies, is the smell of old churches...all that wood, those candles and incense...it's delicious! We had some Greek food and yeah, I've already given my opinion on that. Then a long nap and a return to Sushi Maki for a proper meal, which honestly didn't impress me as much as it did on Friday, though it was still very good and fairly well priced. I didn't care for the vegetable dumplings - the sauce was too vinegary. I do appreciate the healthy amount of fish in the rolls. Sad to report, their spicy tuna roll did not pass my litmus test. Also, I don't like my restaurants cutesy and I have to say, they fall just short of being too clever. Their gorgeous take out bags almost redeems their haiku tutorials and chopsticks cartoons. Though it's a good way to separate the wheat from the chaff; go with someone there on a first date and see if the chopsticks wrapper inspires them to actually make walrus teeth with the chopsticks. Went to Sunset Place to see Shutter Island on a gift card my sister gave me for Christmas (the really confusing one was the one she gave me for IHOP). At least this gift card had a balance on it; my mother and I just about died laughing when we tried to use a Walmart gift card she gave us recently...and it had only a balance of $3.82 left on it. Merry Christmas to you, too! Honestly, she is just very distracted, it's not deliberate. Stop reading now if you don't want to read a spoiler on Shutter Island.

WARNING: SPOILER ALERT

I personally don't care if people spoil movies for me since I rarely go, and knowing the ending doesn't affect the experience for me much...I'm not big on surprises but I know a lot of people hate it. Anywho, the movie was fine, I mean, how could it not be? It was not a horror movie as I expected from the trailer, so I behaved fairly well during it. The ending was all right, a plot twist that's been done before and will be done again...but it's an effective one (just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you...or maybe you are only paranoid, after all). I had to think about it a bit, the very end where DiCaprio's character goes off willingly to his lobotomy...but then I figured, ok, he wants this because he can't stand thinking about what happened to his wife and kids anymore. I'm all right with that...but I hated the fact that it was all a deliberate role playing ruse set up by the entire psychiatric staff and with the cooperation of a bunch of mental patients...I mean, come on. Puh-leze. That is just too unlikely, and screw your suspended disbelief...if several important elements of the story solely exist in his imagination, why couldn't it all be like that? Makes more sense. Honestly, the role playing explanation was about as crazy as what he was imagining!

Heelsha

2010-02-08T12:50:00.000-08:00

Went with a nice large group to Heelsha for my first foray into Indian food. Evil G and I shared our meal of vegetable Samosas, Keema (ground beef and onion naan) and Pumpkin Vhuna, which we ordered mild, thank you very much. Lydia and Monger were sitting closest to me so of course I had to taste their food, and I did manage to make my way around quite a bit of the table. They ordered Spinach and Cheese Naan, vegetable Samosas, and Lamb Korma. The lamb was very tender and whatever was in that creamy, spicy sauce was tasty...in fact, everything I tasted was very good. Especially the naan. So what's the problem?

Zyon said that Indian food was the new sushi for her, for me...not so much. I have the same problem with Greek food; everything is very good and some things are wonderful, but it's all just too flavorful somehow. I can only take three bites of any one taste before I'm ready for the next plate. I think a buffet would work out better for me in the future with Indian food. The only thing I could have gorged on was the most lovely Mango Lassi. Yes, yes, yes. It was so perfect: creamy, faintly eggy, sweet but not too sweet, rich but not too...I had to ration it to make it last longer. Not as good? the Masala Lassi that Valentine ordered. No, no, no. It was almost as bad as taking a shot of Jack Daniels...speaking of shots - Bacardi Razz is the devil's piss. 'Nuff said.

The real downfall of this place is the God awful wait. The meal took three hours, start to finish. Monger: did they birth an Indian baby to grow up and cook our meal? Lydia: did they have to slaughter the lamb to make my food? Well, thank God they didn't overhear us. Our little Indian boy did turn out to be a good cook, but I'm not throwing my Thai wife out the door anytime soon. I'm just too American to sit around and chat, waiting for a meal, I want to eat and go. I imagined a couple on their first date at that place; it would definitely either make or break the relationship from the start.

Lemongrass Asian Bistro

2010-01-25T07:26:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it feels like you'll never eat anything exceptional again, that you're going to spend loads of cash on mediocre sushi places and never experience what made you fall in love with the stuff in the first place. Then, sometimes a meal is like all the stars aligning and angels picking up their trumpets and little birds eating out of your hand. And, it's on someone's else's tab! Well. It's like life giving you a high five.

I went to Lemongrass Asian Bistro for GS's sister's birthday. It was really a family event but luckily the delicious food trumped any awkwardness I felt and soon I was eating off relative strangers' plates. Well, I did wait for them to offer, first.

What to say about it? They just got the basics right. I'm no expert, but I know how Seaweed Salad should taste, and I know how homemade ginger salad dressing should taste, and that's what we got last night. I got the Tuna Tartar in a Crispy Hand Roll that was admittedly not my favorite of all time (up to the present, I am optimistic enough to forsee many tuna tartar dishes in my future) but only because it was a bit too spicy and I'm a lightweight when it comes that. I had a salmon roll that had a generous amount of salmon I could actually taste. Usually those simple rolls just taste like sushi rice and seaweed. GS and his dad had big sashimi plates and I swear, the white tuna was like butter (Butter! Like a big stick of butter!) I dropped a piece of salmon and it took all my willpower not to eat it...I would have, if I had been with friends or my own family.

Everything was beautifully presented and I took several pictures of everything to send to Allegra. Course, my Samsung doesn't do art photography like her Iphone but, she got the idea.

The place was expensive-ish, but worth it. Worth the price, worth the drive. Happy Birthday to me!

Total Wine & More and Obba Sushi

2010-01-23T08:09:00.000-08:00

Valentine hosted a wine testing/finger foods party for her significant other last night, so we made a stop at Total Wine & More to pick up some wine to bring. I know NOTHING about wine and only recently even starting drinking the stuff (I'm a beer kind of girl) so I loved how they clearly describe the wines and mark the top three sellers of each type...it's like school for aspiring alcoholics! I forget what I bought, it was their #2 Merlot, but it was very tasty, as far as wine goes (I had to look it up, it was Angeline Merlot, Sonoma County). I drooled over their beer selection and had to buy something...and the awesome checkout lady (awesome because she was impressed by how young I look, an easy way to get on my good side) told me that they are opening a Total Wine in Dadeland! The Internets reveal, "They are actually opening a Total Wine across from Dadeland, in the former Linens N Things space, next to Crate and Barrel." If The Internets say it, it must be true. Enough proof for me.

I went to Obba Sushi a couple nights ago, totally psyched because it's within walking distance of my current residence. It could have, and should have been, pure joy but instead it was not much to rave about. I had their tuna tartar, and it was edible though the least delicious tuna tartar I've had. The fish was too processed and was mushy, and they overpowered the tuna with excessive amounts of scallions. Something to hide, hmmm? The flavor of raw fish is too delicate to mess with. Less is more, and sashimi is king. Theirs was ok, FYI. The portions seemed a bit small, the prices seemed a bit high, and I don't think I'll need to go back.

I'm moving soon, to an apartment in the Silver Bluff/Shenandoah area, and it's like worlds apart from Brickell. I'm already scoping out the places to eat :) Looks like http://www.urbanspoon.com/ refers to it as the "Coral Way" area. Casola's! Daily Bread! El Carajo! Here I come!

DJ Craze @ White Room

2010-01-11T13:36:00.000-08:00

The perfect drink schedule for maximum bounce and/or wiggle ability if you're not much of a dancer: pregaming beer at home, overpriced beer in club with subsequent sticker shock, two swallows of Jack in the car with expected gagging/choking, and then three or um, four? beers in the club after you throw caution and your budget to the winds and open a tab. I saw DJ Craze at White Room on Saturday, and learned that I am apparently a huge fan of breakbeats and drum n bass. Who knew?

I had friggin blast (damn you, Jersey Shore, I hear your voices everywhere) and left the place like at 4am. Some random cute hipster guy started to grind up on me and of course I was in heaven. Justin danced with me in that cool, remote way they do nowadays and then just quietly faded in the night. Cute!

Well, I'm supposed to be keeping costs down but it was an expensive night. The cover to get in alone was $15, and the first beer I had, along with Wendy's Jack and Coke, came out to $17. One good way to economize is to go with a very good friend (Wendy) who, out of her appreciative and generous nature repaid me for not bailing on her on one of the coldest nights eva by buying my drinks and sharing her flask. I only paid my cover and then gave Wendy my remaining $5, which barely made a dent in the drink bill I'm sure (shudder!).

When we were driving up to White Room I remembered the scene from Knocked Up where the pregnant chick and her older sister tried to get into the club and the bouncer wouldn't let them in.

Doorman: I know... you're right. I'm so sorry, I fuckin' hate this job. I don't want to be the one to pass judgement, decide who gets in. Shit makes me sick to my stomach, I get the runs from the stress. It's not cause you're not hot, I would love to tap that ass. I would tear that ass up. I can't let you in cause you're old as fuck. For this club, you know, not for the earth.
Debbie: What?
Doorman: You old, she pregnant. Can't have a bunch of old pregnant bitches running around.

Well, Wendy is not pregnant but I'm definitely getting, um, up there in the years. One of these days I fear this is going to happen to me, but until then...I will accompany my much younger friends to the ends of the earth for such a good time. Or, at least, Wendy.

Speaking of Knocked Up, I saw Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Omigod, hilarious! It was so funny I made my friend stop the movie and restart it, halfway through, cause I talk during movies and I was sure I missed some funny lines. I even texted myself some of the best lines for future use. Really, with my annoying habits, it's a wonder I find anyone to spend time with me lol

Mystic Water Kava Bar

2010-01-09T12:41:00.000-08:00

I rounded up a motley crew of public servants to try kava kava at the recently opened Mystic Water Kava Bar. The extremely cute proprietress gave an excellent spiel and the presentation was all that...but unfortunately, we didn't feel much of the sedative effects kava kava is reported to have. The staff there cleverly informed us that the body needs to built up enzymes to properly utilize kava kava and with repeated ingestion, blah blah blah...so, of course, we are expected to keep returning, swilling expensive, chalky pond water in the hope that someday, SOMEDAY, we will feel SOMETHING.

We skipped out after $80 worth of kava kava and intelligently decided to turn to more reliable forms of intoxication. We went to Hollywood Vine where we were joined by JC, who entertained us all with his special brand of social adeptness, peculiar to those in the sales field. We government employees have far more subtle social skills; we gleam more than shine. JC is like a search light. The place is sophisticated, pretty, and has bathrooms up to par for those who have phobias about public restrooms (Evil G has a tortured soul).

After that, a few stragglers went to PRL Euro Cafe for one last fancy pants beer. Lately I like for people to order for me, and I gave JC free rein to choose my beers since he knows more about beer than anyone should. We offered up a dollar bill to the wall of decorated money to immortalize another boozy night.

I've been using Annie's Organic Buying Club for my fresh, organic produce for about two months now. I prefer them to Farm Fresh Miami because Annie's doesn't force you to pay registration fees; you pay as you go along. I'm getting a half share every two weeks for $36.50. I like it because, since you don't choose what is in your box, it forces you to try new things and get outside your culinary comfort zone. Of course, I still am perplexed by that watermelon radish, lying in my produce drawer. And I realize I hate arugula. But hey, I kind of like having choices taken away from me (which is probably why I like people to order for me, as I previously mentioned). I've even turned on a couple friends to Annie's. As a compensation for this, I'd like to request no more arugula. Ever. That's all.

Miss Yip Chinese Cafe

2010-01-06T13:21:00.000-08:00

Ate here on New Year's Eve, suffering under the miasma of PMS and end-of-year reflections. I should really have picked a better place to get some lunch, considering my mood. We ended up with small, overpriced, underflavored portions. They offered us Snapple when we asked for tea, for crissake.
I mean, my local Canton is a better deal and dining experience, and they don't even have the benefit of hipster decor and bored, handsome, wait staff. Eh. I won't go back there. I'm too broke (even when it's someone else's money) to waste money on mediocre food and dining experiences. Luckily the day was salvaged by my late night ingestion of an entire bottle of sparkling white wine (let's not elevate it by calling it champagne) and twelves grapes at midnight. Twelves wishes, anyone?

Merry Freaking Christmas

2009-12-28T13:19:00.000-08:00

The shame. I've neglected my non-existent audience. Ah, fickle Gemini. You lack stick-to-it-ness.

I ate at Little Saigon on Christmas Eve. Little Saigon is this hole-in-the-wall Vietnamese restaurant in North Miami Beach where the wait staff treats you with the impatience and affectionate contempt they shower on their exasperating Americanized grandchildren. It's cheap (cash or check only!) and the menu is good reading. You know, chicken feet and stuff like that. I like how clean, light and fresh the flavors are in this type of cuisine. Growing up only knowing Asian food through disasters like heavily breaded chicken doused in honey sauce, it's been quite a revelation. I definitely need to get a Thai or Vietnamese wife, so she can cook for me and walk on my back with her tiny feet.

Dinner was good but I really missed having the typical Noche Buena dinner: roast pork made in the Caja China, black beans and rice, yuca, flan, etc., etc. I even miss having that pathetic little pig defrosting in the tub for days, and watching the old folks fight over pig ears and brains.

A good antidote to missing being part of a Cuban family (and the food is the only part I miss) is having American Friends to teach about the highlights of Cuban cuisine. Like El Rey De Las Fritas. GS and I had: Fritas Originales, I had a batido de trigo (which kind of blew his mind...Honey Smacks, in a shake???) and he had a batido de mango. A frita is one of the two things I'd want to eat as my last meal on death row. But the frita would have to be from there. They are the king, after all.

I'm in the mood lately (which can change unexpectedly-without warning...know thyself) to give consumable gifts lately, rather than clutter up the lives of my loved ones with more, you know. Clutter. I went to Robert is Here to get my mom some edibles for Christmas, and for some other people...and for me, too, of course. Like I'd leave myself out. Robert is Here sells all types of jams, jellies, preserves, pickles, sauces, chutneys...depending on how adventurous your taste buds are you can stick with the safe choices (berries) or try fun stuff like fig preserves with ginger or pickled garlic. They also sell fresh fruits and vegetables at good prices, as well as awesome milkshakes that are worth the drive alone (I got chocolate and cantalope) and they have a little farm area with animals that probably eat better than I do.

What else was good? Try the Iced Green Tea at Shibui...

Farm Fresh Miami

2009-10-17T14:13:00.000-07:00

Local, organic produce. The words send virtuous shivers through me. I joined Farm Fresh Miami, an organic buying group, just this week and will receive my first share next Thursday. It's like a Christmas present! Well, one that I bought myself. Yet, still a surprise! You get what's available, what's in season...it's a surpresent! Trying to do the right thing, both health-wise and environmentally, seems like a herculean goal. Baby steps!

What's better than eating something super yummy? Introducing a super yummy food to someone who's never had it! Went with GS to eat ceviche at El Rincon de Chabuca (though like I've said, any of a number of inexpensive Peruvian places on the beach would have done as well), and...he liked it! They did the plate up fancy shmancy, which I don't care for. The ceviche marinade was orange (sour orange juice, perhaps?) which I haven't seen before but it was still tasty. He liked it!

Went to Zoo Bar a couple weeks ago to hear some Irish punk band or something, which was a total bust. The band had canceled and the place was dead. On the positive note, the bartender and my friend got along famously, I got some insight into the male psyche, and we got to watch Coraline in 3D when the bartender put it on. Showing remarkably good taste, the bartender kept on flirting with me. Even though Shawn at Harvey's is my favorite, he has that whole engaged issue that keeps him so dreadfully well behaved.

Om Garden and Tap Tap

2009-10-03T11:09:00.000-07:00

Met up with Lydia for a healthy lunch at Om Garden. This little hippie joint is so un-Miami. Except for the prices, that is.

I had the Venus Pizza and a lemonade, and Lydia had the Good Karma black bean burger. My pizza tasted fine, but we felt that the burger lacked flavor. I did notice the table didn't even have salt and pepper shakers. The standout flavor was Lydia's side of guacamole that she picked at, torn between her food allergies and the tasty avocado and cilantro. We also shared a raw Tiramisu that had the texture of fudge. It was good but too dense; to call it tiramisu seemed wishful thinking. Raw foods often seem to be just approximations of real food anyway. I always figured, if you are going to embrace some restrictive diet, for whatever reason, why try so hard to replicate the foods you are trying to avoid? You end up with pitiful attempts like veggie bacon. Anyway, my portion of the bill for lunch was about $23, too pricey for everyday.

That evening some of my coworkers took me out to Tap Tap Haitian Restaurant to celebrate (mourn) my job transfer. We enjoyed the tail end of Happy Hour, with two for one specialty drinks, and picked among several plates. The best plate was the simplest, the Grilled Chicken plate (Poul Boukanen). Natural and Free Range, to assuage some of that carnivore's guilt. We cleaned out the watercress sauce ramekins, using it on the salad, the bread, the fritters...everything. They graciously treated me to dinner, saving me from completely blowing my eating out budget for the month. I'll miss you guys!

Pizza Rustica and Van Dyke Cafe

2009-09-24T10:07:00.000-07:00

What's a late night out on South Beach without a stop to Pizza Rustica? Sucky, that's what. When you are in that semi-tipsy, quasi-queasy state after drinking and walking aimlessly, nothing is better than that pizza. That fat in it is liver repair, according to Allegra's mom. And it's such tasty medicine! I had the tomato basil and my friend had the blue cheese spinach. I don't even like blue cheese and his pizza tasted great; the sharpness of the blue cheese complemented the richness of the spinach. I'm glad to report that my friend passed hurdle number one to friendship with me: he let me eat off his plate. That's a definite deal breaker with me.

Before that, we went to have a couple of drinks at the Van Dyke Cafe. There is a serious dearth of just regular bars to hang out at on Lincoln Road. They are all so damn chichi. We sat there and I mocked the jazz piano band playing. They were so earnest, for goodness sake. And, of course, they were all super suave with the ladies. Because, why else do guys become musicians?

Hiro's Sushi Express

2009-09-21T10:44:00.000-07:00

Why is there not one of these within walking distance from my apartment? I admit, I don't have particularly discriminating taste, but the sushi there tastes as good as any I've had. I went there for lunch today and had their cold spinach salad with peanut sauce and their Double Hat Trick, and Allegra had Tekka Don and an Egg Roll. I'm not fond of clever names for menu items, by the way. I'm trying to get used to drinking water with my food and not wasting money on a soda, which is tough. It's healthy, affordable deliciousness that really makes my tummy's day!

I went to a couple of bars in Hollywood, Kelly's Pub and PRL Euro Cafe. I wasn't in the mood for drinking but they seemed like your typical cool local hangout. After just a couple of drinks we went down to the beach, where I heroically resisted the urge to jump in the deliciously warm ocean. That area of Hollywood Beach has a ton of little restaurants, bars and shops and is the antithesis of South Beach's excruciating hipness. There were lots of people, just walking...which is my favorite thing to do!

Speaking of walking, I went to Greynolds Park in an attempt to branch out from my normal, though totally awesome, walk route. It was nice to walk through, if you just ignore the homeless guys BBQing at the entrance.

Cacique's Corner Restaurant

2009-09-11T12:41:00.000-07:00

When it comes to Cuban food - the cheaper, the better. It seems that the less you spend on Cuban food, the better it tastes. There's no point in getting fancy about it. I went to lunch with Allegra at Cacique's after a work meeting, downtown, yesterday. She had Chicarron de Pollo, and I had a Pan con Bistec (it floors me how the Spanish spelling for steak is the phonetic spelling of "beefsteak"...of course, it doesn't take much to amuse me). It was good...how could it not be? With my Diet Coke my portion of the bill, including a more than 20% tip, was $9. And, I had leftovers for the next day!

The day before I ate at Pollo Tropical, where for $4.13 I had a quarter chicken, dark meat, with black beans and rice, and all the chopped onion, salsa, BBQ sauce, vinegar, and lemon juice I could douse my food with for free. Who does NOT think that a Pollo Tropical franchise would make a killing just about anywhere outside of Miami? I mean, when's the last time you ate there? That chicken is fricking tasty!

Labor Day @ the Keys

2009-09-08T11:07:00.000-07:00

Went down to the Keys with the crew. I sat around reading trashy novels and drinking beer while the others cooked, which is ideal, of course. Evil G made lasagna, Lydia made Greek salad, and Mouse grilled all the goodness that was gifted to us, including marinated alligator tail, lobster tail, and freshly caught grouper. The alligator had a very faint fishy taste and was actually pretty good. Mouse said it tasted like snake, which I haven't had but it makes sense since they're all reptiles, right? My powers of deduction amaze even me, sometimes.

Chalan on the Beach

2009-09-05T12:34:00.000-07:00

There are certain foods that you start craving if you've gone too long without them...for me it's sushi, raw oysters, and ceviche. Now, I've had fancypants ceviche at Jaguar and Vietnamese Ceviche at Sushi Saigon and have even eaten the ceviche at the Books & Books cafe, but for good, authentic ceviche, you have to go to those inexpensive Peruvian restaurants on the beach. I had lunch today at Chalan with my coworker, and believe me, it had been a long, dry spell without. We were sopping up the ceviche marinade with the bread, it was so tasty. My coworker had the Lomo Saltado, which is a kind of stir fry of steak, tomato, onion and french fries, and it's out of this world. It would take a long time before I got tired enough of these two dishes to venture into the rest of the menu.

I saw Mamma Mia! and Pretty in Pink on DVD last night. Mamma Mia! was fun and adorable, and a great film adaptation of the musical, which I happened to see when it was in town a few years back. I knew almost all of the lyrics to all of the songs. Sad, I know. I rented Pretty in Pink after John Hughes died and just got around to watching it. God, they (we) were all so young, once!

Happy Birthday...again

2009-08-31T07:20:00.000-07:00

If there is something better than this, I don't know what it is. Happy Birthday, again, to my son!

Quickly read through A year in Provence by Peter Mayle this weekend. I can't imagine anything more ideal than the life he is describing there...and the food, God...of course, I really read it for the food...

The Center of the Universe

2009-08-28T11:46:00.000-07:00

Well, maybe not that, but I do live in a very ideal, central location. Too bad my landlord makes it clear he does NOT want me around. The sprinklers set to go off everyday at 6:30pm (the time I get home) are not very welcoming.

So, yesterday a bunch of us decided to go to Perricone's Marketplace for dinner for their $10 pasta night (every Thursday). When I Google mapped it, I realized it was within walking distance. I live super close to Brickell and Mary Brickell Village (and no, I do NOT live on Brickell...I'm really broke, I don't say that for literary effect) but I never realized it was only a 15 minute walk. So, my friends parked where I live (across the street because I've been asked to NOT park in front of the house) and were baptized by sprinkler juice. Luckily, they are cooler than average people.

We walked over to Perricone's in no time at all. How green and healthy of us!

The place is very pretty. We were seated outside, but they have the outdoor area enclosed in a clear plastic that kept us safely entombed from the humidity and vegetation and keeps in the A/C, so it was very comfortable, temperature-wise. I do like being able to SEE my food, and the twinkly Christmas lights don't do much for that, but I guess it's good if you are trying to look attractive on a date. I wouldn't much enjoy this.

We ordered the Baked Brie en Croute for an appetizer. It was fine (it was one of those nights where everything was fine but nothing stood out) but I preferred the free bruschetta, even though the bread they gave us was not toasted. I'm just not a big fan of sweet food, I think.

Out of all of us, I think my dinner was best. I had the Seafood Linguine and it was good, not too fishy. Two other friends has the Fiocchi Gorgonzola, which had a nice balance between the sharp cheese and sweet pears but the flavor didn't seem complex enough, somehow. Wendy had the Homemade Potato Gnocchi and in the words of Monger, "It is what it is". Gnocchi does not thrill me, though it was very soft, tender gnocchi. With the Quattro formaggi sauce it just was bland, as was the Crab Bisque she had as well. We had to each take two tastes of the soup to even form a judgement, it was just so lacking. Evil G said it tasted like they had squeezed the salt water right out of the crab.

The best part of the night was just realizing how close this area was to home. And of course, good friends.

I watched The Wrestler on DVD last night and it was as heartbreaking and sad as I'd imagined. The style was simple, realistic and eloquent, and Rourke did an thorough job portraying this lonely and broken down character.

Resistance is Futile

2009-08-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

Went to Harvey's on Saturday (it's like our Cheers) to watch the football game (or in my case, studiously avoid watching it) but their cable was out. So, we were hanging out, drinking, when goths began trickling in. Suddenly the black tarps covering the entrances made sense. Resistance had come to Harvey's. Shawn explained it's a traveling club apparently run by the guy who started the Kitchen Club, back in the day. I can't remember that last time I was in a club and did NOT feel like the oldest person around. Music was awesome and we were already in by the time they started charging a cover. Score!

On Sunday, I had dinner with Wendy and E.G. By dinner I mean I ate Taco Bell and watched Wendy eat garlic crabs. Me? I just don't want to work that hard for my food. We watched Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, which was surprisingly funny for the stupid comedy genre.

Shibui and then some

2009-08-22T06:45:00.000-07:00

I had a nice, full, day off yesterday. I went to my super duper cheap place to get my nails done ($20, hands and feet!) and as I was sitting in the chair, pondering what to do after, I got a text from Wendy. She wanted to know if I wanted to go thrifting in Broward with her. Uh...yeah? Of course!
As she impressed me with her superior navigation skills, (no map! just an address!) I admired my gorgeous toe nails. So pretty! We hit three thrift stores but I think the best one by far was American Thrift Store. It was super crowded and pretty stinky, but it had some great selections, a lot of the more inexpensive labels like Old Navy and Abercrombie and Fitch. I got some Gap pants and a couple of sweaters, and some shorts for my son. They had a huge selection of winter wear and suits. I know, I know, it's Miami, but we do have a handful of cold days in the winter...and if you are traveling North this winter, you may as well not spend too much on clothes for your trip! The best thing of all, however, were the prices. Very cheap to start off with, a lot of items were 50% off. I got nine pieces for $22!
By then we were hungry, so went to Tijuana Flats in Cooper City for lunch. Honestly, it was a rather meh meal. I had a spinach and artichoke quesadilla and Wendy a steak quesadilla. The filling in mine tasted just like artichoke and spinach dip, which was to be expected, I suppose, but it was just too creamy. I like to have some texture in a quesadilla to offset the creaminess from the melted cheese...they did have a huge hot sauce bar if that is your kind of thing, and the service was great. The girl cleaning up the dining room was very attentive and friendly, and they refilled our drinks for free :)
After that Wendy dropped me at my car I had to go straight to my next appointment, a Reiki circle Allegra told me about. Hey, I'll try anything once. It was at Five Sisters in Pinecrest, on South Dixie Highway. I happen to love all that new age-y, hippie stuff, I just don't believe in it very much. The store is cute and smelled yummy, and everyone there had those gentle, spaced-out smiles. The Reiki master led us in a guided meditation, then the four Reiki masters there did Reiki on us. I can't say I felt all that much except extremely relaxed, to the point of being tired. My eyes did NOT want to stay open. The guy who did me said he felt something at my throat and solar plexus chakras. Good to know. It was over at 8:30pm, and then I drove straight over to Sunset. I had dinner reservations at nine at Shibui Japanese Restaurant with Monger and Lydia.
I actually got there first, and we got seated right away. We do serious eating at Shibui, all of us being sushi fans, hungry, and enamored of their (relatively) cheap prices. We got a ton of food to share: Hijiki, Age-tofu, and Crab Shu Mai to start, then the Spicy Tuna Roll, the Illegal Roll, the Louisiana Roll, the Tuna Sushi sandwich, and a bunch of nigiri. Everything was tasty but the best thing by far was the Tuna Sushi sandwich. It was like tuna tartar filling in sushi rice "bread". It made a party in my tummy. I love waiters that give you an opinion, so our waiter was perfect. When I asked for the Spicy Tuna roll, she asked if I wanted spicy mayo or red sauce. Like I know...so I asked her what was better and she said mayo with no hesitation. She was the one that recommended the Tuna Sushi sandwich as well.
I got home by 11pm or so, so I was out of the house officially for about 13 hours straight. Success! Since I was out so long I didn't have a chance to eat my Crab and Asparagus soup leftovers, so Allegra and I can partake of that at lunch time...leftovers! It's like having money in the bank!
Oh, I saw Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist on DVD the previous night. It was a good complement to the book, which I read as well. Charming, sweet, envy-inducing (how many teenagers really have that much fun on any given night?). And, I don't care that Michael Cera is always playing himself. I like that self.

Crab and Asparagus Soup

2009-08-20T10:29:00.001-07:00

After my decomposing strawberry cake disaster, it's nice to meet with a little success. I made this last night:

Crab and Asparagus Soup
Ingredients
½ pound fresh asparagus
1 tbsp vegetable oil
2 tbsp finely chopped shallots or onions
1 tbsp finely chopped garlic
½ tsp salt
¼ tsp black pepper
4 cups chicken broth
2 tsp cornstarch
2 tbsp water
1 egg, well beaten
¼ pound cooked lump crabmeat, or one 6 oz can, drained
2 tbsp thinly slice green onion
1 tsp cilantro (optional but good)
½ tsp ginger (optional but good)
1 tbsp soy sauce (optional but good)
Directions
Trim asparagus, cutting each stalk crosswise diagonally into 1 inch pieces, leaving tips intact (you should have about 2 cups).
Heat oil in a medium saucepan over medium high heat for 1 minute, and then add asparagus, shallots, garlic, salt and pepper. Cook until the shallots and garlic are fragrant and the asparagus shiny and bright green, 1 to 2 minutes. Add the broth and bring to a boil.
In a small bowl, combine the cornstarch and water, stirring to make a thin, smooth, paste. Add it to the soup. Stir the soup well and drizzle in the beaten egg, letting it swirl to form lacy shreds in the hot broth. Add the crabmeat and stir well. Add optional ingredients if using. Sprinkle in the green onion, remove the soup from the heat, and serve hot or warm.

This recipe is from Quick & Easy Vietnamese. The optional ingredients are ones I found in OTHER recipes for Crab & Asparagus soup that sounded like they would be good in THIS recipe...and they were! This tasted like something you could get as take-out which to me, means good.

Forgive me, for I have sinned

2009-08-18T10:37:00.000-07:00

I let myself be manipulated into going to Five Guys Burger and Fries, a chain restaurant on South Beach, instead of doing the responsible thing and going to the independently owned Cheeseburger Baby right across the street. Allegra, my fashion muse and good angel (sits on the right shoulder), reprimanded me but I reminded her that I am quite as easily manipulated by her, though not for evil purposes, at least.

I had the Little Cheeseburger with ketchup, mayo, grilled onions and mushrooms, lettuce, pickles and tomatoes. All toppings are included at no extra cost. It was NOT like Wendy's as Allegra so cuttingly remarked. It was good but not the best burger I've had, just better than fast food burgers. It's no In-N-Out, for sure. They had sacks of potatoes lying around to emphasize the point that their fries are not frozen, and all the peanuts in shell you can eat/carry home. It was certainly inexpensive.

I'm not sure what the penance for this kind of transgression is. Maybe a trip to a farmer's market will cut it.

Jimmy'z Kitchen

2009-08-11T14:05:00.000-07:00

I have to write about this amazing salad my coworker got from Jimmy'z Kitchen. As I type the amazing aroma is filling our cramped office space and the taste of the bite she gave me is lingering in my mouth. We can't stop saying how good it is! I almost wish she hadn't given me a taste because now that I know how good it is I won't stop thinking about it, but, they do say: Better to have loved and lost than not loved at all. Anyway.

She's having the Jerked Chicken Breast Salad that comes with mango, tomatoes, cucumbers, avocado, and almonds. The chicken here plays her proper role as wallflower to the more vivacious and spicy-but-not-too-spicy jerk seasoning. Um, um, um!

Julia, Julie, and Panfiore

2009-08-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

Went to see the Julie/Julia Project with some friends last night. Met up at Harveys first for drinkies, then grabbed some sandwiches from Panfiore, a sandwich place right under the movie theater at Lincoln Road mall. I had the Cappuccetto Rosso, a roast beef sandwich, while my friends went for the standard vegetarian options of tomato, mozzarella, basil, olive oil, and avocado added. We were the envy of everyone as we opened those sandwiches during the movie, which you DON'T want to watch hungry.

The sandwiches were great, the movie? Not so much. It was ok, especially the parts with Julia rather than Julie. I read the book and I felt that the author's voice seemed much more realistic and engaging in her book. The movie version of Julie seemed flat and fake. Meryl Streep as Julia was hilarious and dead-on, though. Well, it's to be expected...Meryl Streep versus Amy Adams...anyone would suffer in comparision.

Hazy Recollections of Last Night

2009-08-06T15:40:00.001-07:00

Of course, went to ladies night at Harveys. A nice lady has started selling food there, and my coworker and I shared a respectable plate of roast chicken and fried rice for just $6! One of my weekly meal decisions is taken care of, at least. After way too much drinking and hanging out with the fill-in bartender, Brian, we headed on down to the Magnum Lounge. I've really got to go back there sober. It has great lounge-y atmosphere, some piano player dude, and it was almost empty. I got a round of drinks for my group: 4 mixed drinks for $31, not bad at all, plus had to chance to flirt outrageously with the cutest damn bartender I've ever seen. No, that's not just the drinks talking, either. Alas, he was unapproachable for several important reasons but still a treat to just look at. I hear the food there is good so, yes, need to go back sober. I think we ended up swimming at some point after this but my recollection of the night is hazy at that point.

Harvey's/News Lounge

2009-07-30T10:11:00.000-07:00

Went back to Harvey's last night. I was pretty psyched to see the bar show up in Thrillist even though it means it will soon be overrun with hipsters. In any case, I want them to be successful so I'll deal with whatever crowd comes, attracted by $2 drafts and free parking. We drank way too much, shots of nasty aguardiente because new-guy-friend from the last Harvey's post (he's like a permanent fixture at Harvey's, I think) is Colombian so he inflicted his cultural swill on us.

Met my friend's partner, who I really liked a lot and am glad to welcome to the inner sanctum. Afterwards, we all went to The News Lounge again, where we had some type of carpaccio with avocado and some type of bruschetta with proscuitto appetizers. I would write the exact name of the dishes but The News Lounge stupidly does not post their menus online and I was in no state to remember the names of dishes...or even order, actually, someone else took care of that.

The carpaccio was tasty. (Quality) beef and fish are really almost always tastiest either raw or in a near-raw state. Or smoked. Or marinated like in ceviche. I really dislike cooked salmon but it's my favorite fish for sushi. Chicken is a poor, depressing excuse for a meat, and of course you can't do anything edible raw with it. Pork you can't eat raw, but at least all sorts of yummy things come from pigs, like bacon, proscuitto, jamon serrano, and Cuban Style Roast Pork, which I'm sure they serve in heaven.

I made a chocolate cake with chocolate ganache (modified box cake recipe, NOT from scratch) a couple weeks ago for my coworkers that met with success, so I'm going to attempt a new cake this weekend. This one was suggested and since I am easily influenced by my friends, it's the one.

Flamingo Plaza

2009-07-25T07:00:00.001-07:00

I just heard that the foodstand at Grubstakes Resources was featured on Channel 6 news. Awesome! They may need an extra table...

Spent a happy/lucky day with my friend yesterday. We went to check out Educating Hands, the massage school, because of potential layoffs/job satisfaction issues. Damn if it wasn't like that scene in the Shining, where those creepy twins freak Danny out...all these happy people, seemingly enticing us to join their alternative medicine cult where they worship the River Stone, asking us to play with them forever...and ever...and ever...Seriously, everyone was super happy and it seemed really interesting. So, of course, since I must be unhappy in my work, it's not an option for me.

After that we went thrifting to Flamingo Plaza in Hialeah, pretty much the mecca of thrifting in Miami. We had stupidly good success, found a bunch of brand new target dresses at New York Thrift Store there, and in my size!!!
After exhausting ourselves thrifting, we went to grab lunch at One Burger where I had the Frita Cubana burger and she had The Globe. Of course, hers was awesome and mine sucked, was burnt and dry. I never have luck there, but other people swear by it. The guy working the front counter was also surly as hell. Half of my friend's cupcake sort of made up for it. God, I wish we had an In-N-Out Burger here!!!

We (well, she) had had such a lucky/happy day that we bought lotto tickets in case our luck held up (I won $4!). We ran into an old friend who I bummed a cigarette off of, which made MY day look up. After that I tried on all the stuff I bought and passed out.

Home cooking trials

2009-07-21T11:09:00.000-07:00

July 20, 2009. Sometimes, you gotta cook. You know, frugality and all. I made a chicken stir fry that was perfectly respectable but I just didn't like it much. Lately I'm not into meat, especially chicken, especially when I cook it myself. I blame my healthy friend for this, she of the Master Cleanse and Raw Foods Diet and all. She's a terrible influence! I took some of the white rice I made for the stir fry and made a recipe for fried rice, which is one of my favorite comfort foods...and it was actually pretty good!

Quick Fried Rice
From The Starving Students’ Vegetarian Cookbook
by Dede Hall

Ingredients
2 tbsp butter or margarine
2 green onions, thinly sliced
1 egg
1 cup cooked rice
Handful frozen peas
1 tbsp soy sauce

Directions
In a skillet, on med-high heat, melt butter and add onions. Cook 1 minute. Crack egg into skillet. Stir and drag egg lightly with fork until egg is cooked in “strings”. Add rice, peas, and soy sauce. Cook, stirring occasionally, 3 minutes, or until rice is browned and all ingredients are hot.

I had to substitute edamame for peas, and added extra onion. Recipes never have enough onion or garlic, I've noticed. I liked it because, well, it tasted good! But also because this cookbook has small portion sizes, which is great when you are a single mother with a finicky child. The recipes are also easy and don't have obscure ingredients. Still have that recipe for Caramelized Figs with Orange Flower Water in my purse. I'll have to take a trek to Lorenzo's for orange water; it's the only place I can think will maybe have it.

The News Lounge

2009-07-17T10:52:00.000-07:00

July 16, 2009. Went here after Harvey's though I REALLY just wanted to go home since I did have to work the next day. I had cheeseburger sliders and shared some of my friend's fries. Everything was pretty good but I was at that point you reach after a night of drinking where you are hungry but kind of feeling crappy and just plain exhausted, so I didn't enjoy it as I might have normally. The service was good; I read in Yelp that it's hit or miss there so I guess we lucked out. My share was like, what, $11 or so? We dragged a new-guy-friend from Harvey's along who I wish I had an appropriate single friend to introduce to, but he seemed kind of normal for my friends. Oh, well.

The News Lounge
5580 NE 4th Court
Ste 4B & 5A
Miami, FL 33137
(305) 758-9932

Harvey's

2009-07-17T10:44:00.000-07:00

July 16, 2009. Went here with a couple of coworkers to drown our recession sorrows. This place is in an American Legion building and very old school and laid back. It's also filled with the enchanting smell of mildew (I have a mild fetish for the smell of old books, what can I say). I had three beers for $8, beat THAT! The bartender, Shawn, is super cool and apparently quite a catch: friendly, cute in that bear-like, fair, beefy-American-guy way, relaxed, can mix a mean drink, and cooks too (and willingly shares with cute female bar customers). It's got a pretty good jukebox and lots of friendly regulars. Seems like a big draw for the hipster crowd. Hell, anything to keep Harvey's in the black!

Harvey's By The Bay
6445 NE 7th Ave
Miami, FL 33138
(954) 394-2763

Go-Go Fresh Food Cafe

2009-07-17T10:14:00.000-07:00

July 16, 2009. Went here for lunch with my coworker during which we talked about soul searching and knowing yourself and careers and such. Had a steak mini-salad and a roast pork and plantain empanada with their strawberry lemonade. It was nice and fresh and light, like a salad should be. It was a little over $13, a bit much for lunch, especially when I really SHOULD be eating that TV dinner in the freezer. A bit much when considering too how they are threatening layoffs, pay cuts, and shorter hours. It's a recession, baby.

Go-Go Fresh Food Cafe
926 alton road ~ south beach ~ 305.673.3137

Tien Kue Inn

2009-07-17T10:08:00.000-07:00

July 12, 2009. I was feeling massively meh so I decided to grab some Chinese fried rice take-out from this place. Sometimes only fried rice will do. It was around 5:30pm so on the spur of the moment I decided to eat at their buffet. I NEVER eat out alone (armed only with a book, The Master and Margarita) so I felt very brave and independent. Maybe a little bit like a loser. I didn't bother watching my table manners, in itself rather freeing. The buffet is $9.95 and I ate a couple plates and some dessert. It was what you'd expect from a buffet, no revelation there. Decent seaweed salad, some rolls and sushi, fried rice, miso soup, etc. At the end, I was full but still meh, and took one of my hour long walks to settle it all down.

Tien Kue Inn Chinese and Japanese Restaurant
2860 Coral Way
Miami, FL 33145
(305) 444-2717

Red Koi in Coral Gables

2009-07-17T09:52:00.000-07:00

July 10, 2009. I didn't feel like going to the races at the Homestead Speedway (experiencing these quintessentially redneck experiences are like conducting an anthropological study) and dealing with the noise and staying up late and having to work the next day, so I went with a couple people to eat dinner at Red Koi. One of them had been laid off recently so we were determined to make an effort to forget all our problems and enjoy ourselves. I had the Tuna Tartar (I've been obsessed with this dish lately after having it at Moonchine) and it was tasty and beautifully presented. Even the leftovers I had for lunch the next day were great, and I didn't get food poisoning from eating old raw fish. I also had a salmon roll and a green salad, mostly because they were cheap and raw salmon is my favorite. My share was about $30 with tip, I guess I'd call that moderately expensive, and then I bought a bottle of $10 Publix wine which we drank at home, with Rum and Diet Cokes, and watched a few Season 2 Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes. Perfect!

Red Koi Thai and Sushi Lounge
(786) 871-7969
317 Miracle Mile
Coral Gables, FL 33134

The Food Stand Outside Grubstake Resources

2009-07-17T09:44:00.000-07:00

July 10th, 2009. I read about this place in a Daily Candy Miami email, noted the operative information (not-South Beach prices) and went over with my son. He had Doritos (the blue bag) and orange soda (he's finicky and spoiled, I admit) while I had a Chilean style hot dog that came with mustard, mayo, ketchup and this homemade avocado salsa. Tasty! And cheap. For everything, including my Diet Coke, it was, I believe, $5.50. Awesome, right? At least I can feel generous and tip nicely. There are a couple rusty tables but all in all, a satisfying low rent experience.

The Food Stand, outside Grubstake Resources, 2401 North Miami Avenue, Wynwood. For more information, call 305-573-2976.